This is a story of friendship. Everyone knows someone who has been diagnosed with cancer, is currently undergoing treatment for cancer, has beat cancer or who has died from it. Along with cancer, everyone knows someone who has been labeled with a mental illness, is currently undergoing treatment for a mental illness, has beat a mental illness or who has died from it. I have experienced both – a mental illness diagnosis (1987) and cancer (1998 – malignant melanoma (stage 2)). Today, I wanted to write about two dear friends that have been instrumental in the recovery of my mental well-being and health – Jessica and Lisa.

Jessica and Lisa have been friends since Grade 3. I met both of them in 1986 at UBC – Jessica and I were in the same undergraduate program and Lisa and I were teammates on the UBC Track Team. Unbeknownst to me, they were good friends. It was such a special day when we all realized that we were connected. I have held both of these friendships close to my heart for the past 28 years and I’d like to share with you why. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of dear friends – some say, “friends are the family you choose”.

In 1987, while I was studying at UBC, it was a trying time for me as I was lost in many ways:
– I was secretive about my bulimia tendencies
– I hadn’t dealt with my parents divorce while I was in high school
– I was trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life, who I was, what was the point of being on the planet, of being HERE, and
– I was the classic overachiever – Honour roll student (even had the highest mark in my first year UBC Calculus class), Scholarship student (both athletic and academic), Varsity Track and Cross Country Team member, and it wasn’t enough to be just an athlete, I was also the Team Manager on top of working part-time while at school.
Phew, it exhausts me to think about those days!

When I started university, I set out to become a lawyer. This was because in Grade 10 I was interested in becoming a police officer, but it was extremely important to my parents that I go to university. We discussed why I was interested in this career and it was decided that I would go to UBC and become a lawyer. I remember asking my Dad what I should take for my undergraduate degree and he suggested Commerce. At that time, you had to do 1 year of specific undergraduate courses before you could enter the Faculty of Commerce – and it was very competitive to get into the program. They also offered a Commerce-Law option and I set my sights on this in the fall of 1985. It was a steep learning curve to jump from the secure fish bowl environment of high school into the shark pit of university. When I began my 2nd year of Commerce I was feeling overwhelmed, indecisive and unsure about Law school, but I didn’t know what else to do or what other major to choose.

I remember standing outside the Commerce building in the pouring rain without an umbrella, for what seemed like several hours because I didn’t know what step to take. My Commerce friends noticed that something was “off” with me. Some expressed their concern by sending cards and letters (this was pre-cell phone & texting days!) and others just continued on without blinking an eye. I don’t blame them, as this was what business school taught us: that money is the epitome of success and how to run a business and grow an empire – not care about humanity. But two people that made a permanent imprint on my heart that I will never forget were Jessica and Lisa – each in their own individual way. At this time, Lisa wrote me a letter –

“Dear Christabelle: Please don’t be sad. You are the most wonderful person: you’ve got so much going for you – you’re incredibly intelligent, athletic, attractive, sensitive and you have a great sense of humour which I miss. What more could you want? From what I see, you’ve got yourself in a dilemma where you think that every decision you make is going to influence the rest of your life, therefore, it is vital that you make the right one. But, it really doesn’t matter if you realize that this is only one small stage in your life. Enjoy it! Live each day one at a time – spontaneity is fun! Make the most of what you’ve got today – the future will always work out – especially for someone with the qualities you have. There is a huge world out there – try to imagine you are looking down on it from space – and you will see that you are a small part of the interconnected whole. Think of yourself as part of this great world and let your problems go. Someday you will look back on this time in your life, no matter how much pain you are in now, and laugh. Watching you reminds me of a poem called “Comes the Dawn” –

Comes the Dawn
After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today, because
Tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures
Have a way of falling down in midflight
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that love really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and learn…
With every goodbye you learn

Love Lisa”

After sending me the letter, she made an appointment at UBC Student Health Services to talk to an advisor because she was so concerned about me. She wanted to know what more she could do to help, as she knew my state was serious. I had stopped going to our track practices and was barely functioning. She was advised to make an appointment for me. I remember Lisa calling my Mom (who was obviously wrought with concern over the changes in me) and asking her if she thought she could get me to the appointment. I had sunk very deep and my mom had to get me out of bed, dress me, and brush my teeth and hair etc if I was to get anywhere. Lisa was also terrified that I would either be upset with her or wouldn’t go. I went. And it was the slow start to the unraveling of my mental anguish and the beginning of my road to recovery. It was at this time, that I was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety and bulimia¹ and prescribed Imipramine – a tricyclic anti-depressant. Looking back, I might refer to what happened as an “existential” crisis or “adrenal fatigue”– but I had never heard of either of those words in 1987, let alone depression and anxiety! Until this point in my life, I had only learned of depression in the economic sense of the word, not the medical sense.

Jessica made an impact on me because during those stressful, paralyzing, depressing dark days when I was contemplating suicide – she would ask me if I wanted to go for a walk. She introduced me to places on campus that I had not taken the time to explore because I was so focused on achieving – places of beauty and art – like the UBC Japanese Gardens. These gardens are an amazing oasis amongst the hustle and bustle & trials and tribulations of student life. At that time, in the depth of my despair, I didn’t fully appreciate the beauty of the gardens. What I did appreciate though was the friendship, the connection, and the fact that someone cared enough and took time out of their hectic schedule to be with me even though I couldn’t form a sentence to talk or even muster up the strength to walk there on my own. Jessica became my strength by taking my hand and leading me to peace. She allowed me to just be. I didn’t need to talk, sound smart or impress her. She accepted me. Perhaps she recognized what I was going through and could see that I was depressed when I didn’t know what was going on with me. She just sat with me in silence and showed me she cared by taking the time to be still with me. If it wasn’t for friends like Jessica & Lisa (and there are many others who know who they are) who knows if I would still be here. I even remember Jessica’s mom buying me a copy of “The Joy Luck Club” by Amy Tan. I was so touched that her mom would do that for me and I still have that book on my bookshelf.

Fast forward to the summer of 2013 when I was talking to Jessica and she let me know that the she had “terminal cancer”. Jessica has been living with cancer since 2007² and the previous years have been very trying for her. Since she lives in the UK, I don’t get to see her very often – the last time was in 2010 when we were both in Vancouver at the same time. Here is a picture of Lisa, Jessica and I, was well as two other friends at Ambleside beach

Throughout her cancer journey I have sent her books, love, emails, cards and we’ve had phone and Skype calls. She is constantly in my prayers. I recently sent her a book called “Dying To Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing by Anita Moorjani” – in an attempt to disprove the 1 year prognosis she has been given. I firmly believe in the power of psychoneuroimmunology – which is the relationship between our thoughts & emotions and our immune system.
Since her cancer had metastasized to her brain, she is no longer able to fly and I felt that it was important to go and visit her for moral support. The soonest I could arrange to be there was the end of November and I was grateful to be joined by Lisa, as well as two other dear university friends, Deanna and Kerry. You will see the love in the video that Jessica made of our trip.

No one knows how long they have on the planet – life is fragile, precious, a gift and can be gone with a blink of an eye. Pema Chodron wrote: “A cancer diagnosis. Loss of livelihood, wealth, power. The unexpected end of a relationship. A broken promise, a shattered dream. Sometimes impermanence smacks us in the face without much warning. It was always there, of course, lurking in the background, we’ve just been distracted, or fallen into illusions of permanence, or turned our backs in horror. Impermanence comes, sometimes out of the blue, to remind us of what is essential and true, to shatter our spiritual laziness and remind us of the true path.

A keen awareness of the impermanence of things can protect us from the pain of self-righteousness, arrogance, ignorance, greed – and ultimately, fear itself.
Friend, find that which is permanent in the midst of the ever changing. Find your own presence in the constantly shifting appearances of life. Find your true home in the midst of uncertainty. Be what you are, the unchanging principle – That which has never changed as everything else has changed. Know your own beingness, your original sense of belonging, soft and intimate and warm, always here, never missing. You just got distracted, that’s all, became lost in the shiny things, in those intoxicating dreams of past and future, mesmerized by appearances on your way towards future glories promised by undoubtedly well-meaning friends.

And then, a cancer diagnosis. Loss of livelihood, wealth, power. The unexpected end of a relationship. A broken promise, a shattered dream. These are not mistakes or punishments but sudden reminders of the sheer Power of the Uncontrollable, the immense Intelligence moving all things, an Intelligence beyond comprehension.
Another call to humility and softness. And kindness. And an invitation to remember: in the midst of cancer, loss, devastation, failure, what cannot be lost? What cannot fail? Love is still here. The ability to connect deeply. To listen. To see. To feel. To laugh at seriousness. To be serious about laughter. To remember our own Presence, the Presence of life, here and now. And the gift of the small things. A sip of water. The sound of the rain. The breath moving through the nostrils. A visit from a loved one. An unspoken kindness. The beauty of questions unanswered.
The essential things cannot be taken away. Everything non-essential will crumble in time. Perspective is everything. The moment is a beginning.
This is not a path you will find in books. This is a path of courage and birdsong, of waking in the morning with a tender heart and knowing that everything is somehow profoundly okay in a way you cannot hope to understand.”

I know it is not easy to understand cancer or mental illness, and you can get trapped in asking “why? Why? WHY? Why ME?” But all we have is this moment. This Breath. Now. I am so grateful for those few days with my friends in November. I will cherish those memories and our Friendship forever. I wanted to write this for Jessica as a tribute to her while she continues to be with us. Lastly, this poem is how I feel about my close friends, like Lisa and Jessica. I hope you take the time today to call, think of or write someone you call a friend all in the name of Love.

What is a Friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty. He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you – he is like fire that purges to the bone. He understands. He understands. You can weep with him, sing with him, laugh with him, pray with him. Through it all – and underneath – he sees, knows and loves you. A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself.
– C. Raymond Beran

Update: I am sad to report that Jessica Ma passed away peacefully on December 7, 2014. May she rest in peace. I miss you Jessica!

1. For more information on my recovery from an eating disorder please visit:
– http://www.drchrisbjorndal.com/bulimia-recovery-story/
– http://www.drchrisbjorndal.com/feed-your-headqa-with-dr-christina-bjorndal/
– http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2010/01/eating-disorder-recovery-qa-with-dr-christina-bjorndal/
– http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2010/01/qa-on-eating-disorder-recovery-with-dr-bjordnal-part-2/
2. For more on Jessica read: http://jessicama.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/changes-changes/

Today, June 9 (1994) is the anniversary of a suicide attempt that left me in a coma, on dialysis with kidney failure waiting for a kidney transplant. The months leading up to this attempt were very dark. I had recently been promoted as a Commercial Lender, but unbeknownst to me, the Branch manager “fixed” the commercial portfolios so that the one I managed had all the problem accounts and the one the other portfolio manager had contained all the A+ accounts. I was spending countless hours at work and knew the janitor by his first name as I was often at work until 10pm. A common question asked of someone who is depressed is “Why are you depressed?” With each depressive episode I have had, I reflect on this question and ask, “What happened? Why did I get depressed? What did I do wrong?” – like it was completely in my locus of control to regulate my mood by magically turning a switch on or off. I have come to learn that this is not a question you ask someone who is depressed. Most don’t “choose” to be depressed – or do we? Maybe on a subconscious level we do because deep down, I know that I didn’t love myself or accept myself. Was that the real cause of all my pain?

So what exactly happened all those years ago? As with any episode, it is multi-factorial and each one is unique offering an opportunity to learn and grow if you are lucky enough to have the benefit of hindsight and reflection.

At that time in my life, I had expected the promotion and transfer back to Vancouver to be a positive one as I was now closer to my family and friends. What I didn’t foresee was:
1. How much I would miss the wonderful friends and colleagues I had made while previously working in the small farming community of Chilliwack. In fact, I met one of my “besties” to this day during that time. Because I was working so much, I found it hard to make time for my family and friends in Vancouver as I was drowning in my work. As a result, I became socially isolated.
2. I also didn’t realize the impact the real estate market would have on me. I went from my 2-bedroom 980 sq ft apartment in Chilliwack to a 1-bedroom 675 sq ft apartment, for 2.5x the price and mortgage payment. I never expected the anxiety I felt from being “tied down” to the weight of my mortgage – it physically crushed my chest making it difficult to breathe at times. I bought just before the leaky condo bubble burst in Vancouver and I watched in dismay as my property value plummeted. I now felt chained to a job I was growing to dislike more and more each day – like an animal trapped in a cage with no options of escaping.
3. I was naïve to business politics and I didn’t anticipate the lack of support I would get at the new Branch, as the previous Branch Manager I worked for was an honest man who did not play favorites. I had no idea that my portfolio would be comprised primarily of bad debt accounts.
4. Because the distribution of my portfolio was unequal, I was working 10-14-hour days from January – June. The important things I would do for myself to maintain mental wellness – like exercise and eat properly – were neglected. As such, my exercise regime became compromised and my vegetarian diet consisted of frozen foods and canned soup. Hardly healthy or nutritious.
5. My self-confidence steadily declined as I felt in over my head at work and was too proud to admit it or ask for help. The seeds of self-doubt grew into uncontrollable weeds that I could no longer pluck from my consciousness. My judgment was clouded by negative self-talk that was defeatist and seemed to grow increasingly louder as the months wore on. I got very tired of listening to this constant barrage of verbal abuse that eventually I believed the only way to be free from these thoughts was to commit suicide – then and only then would there be silence.

Due to my previous mental health history, I was seeing my psychiatrist regularly. As in previous depressive episodes, it often took me several months of sliding deeper into the pit of depression before I would muster up the strength to say I needed help. Many times words were not needed as my psychiatrist could determine by my affect that something was not right with me, for example:
– I would not talk during our sessions as I had nothing to say
– The blank look of hopelessness in my eyes spoke volumes
– The visible weight loss I experienced was evidence that I had lost the desire to eat or nurture myself
Other signs of depression were the endless hours I would spend in bed not wanting to face the day, my work responsibilities or my life; the social isolation that I fell into as I no longer found joy in being around my friends or family since was it was an effort to “put on a happy face” and I no longer had the desire to exercise. I felt a lot of shame and guilt around the self-deprecating thoughts I had and would not admit that I was suicidal unless my psychiatrist directly asked the question: “Do you have thoughts of suicide? Do you have a plan?”

I was prescribed a new antidepressant, Zoloft, in February 1994. For my previous depressive episodes in the early 90’s I was prescribed Prozac, however, I was assured that Zoloft was “new and improved”. It later was discovered that there is actually a connection between suicide and Zoloft – and that “suicidal ideation, thoughts, and behavior – collectively termed as suicidality, and suicidal acts have long been linked to antidepressant usage. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), including sertraline (Zoloft), are believed to increase suicidality risks [1]”

Ultimately, I think it was a combination of the various stresses in my life (i.e. moving, new job, intense portfolio, financial stress, lack of socialization, poor diet, no exercise, poor self-esteem, etc) that resulted in the events of June 9, 1994. What I remember the most was the thoughts that plagued me. The self-critical thoughts that repeatedly told me that I was worthless, what was the point, I was no good, no one cares about me, I may as well kill myself, etc. If my voice of reason piped up with a rebuttal such as “that is not true, you have worth”, the voice of doubt quickly set me in my place with comments like “You are such a chicken, you can’t even kill yourself. You aren’t even good at THAT!” The tug of war between these two sides of me was exhausting. I had such a hard time turning off those thoughts and after 6 months of being terrorized by this voice, I decided that the only way to stop them was to end my life. I couldn’t take it any more and I seemed to believe every word of this negative stream of thinking.

So, I wrote a note, drank some poison & grabbed my cat and cuddled him as I fell asleep hoping that I would never wake up again, that my life would be over and I would finally find out the truth about Jesus, God, Heaven, White lights and “the Afterlife”. (Note: If you are depressed and reading this, please do not try this as it does not work! Please pick up the phone and call a Suicide help line or a loved one for support.)

The next morning, I was supposed to be at a breakfast meeting with my boss. When I did not show up, my boss called Mandy, the Customer Service Manager at the Branch to see if I had forgotten about the meeting and had gone to the office. Alarm bells went off when they realized that I wasn’t there. Mandy called my Dad – who was unavailable as he was in a meeting and my Mom – who was out of the country at the time visiting my brother in Japan, but by the Grace of God, my Step-Dad happened to be home as he had a dentist appointment (normally he would not have been there to answer the phone). He knew I had been depressed and so he raced over to my apartment. He made his way into the building and found me barely breathing. He called 911 and I was rushed to Royal Columbian Hospital. Again, I was blessed as the ER doctor had special training and knew to insert the dialysis line in the larger femoral vein versus subclavian vein, as was typically standard practice. I remained in a coma for a few days and when I regained consciousness I was transferred to the ICU until I was well enough to be placed in a private room on the general ward. I had dialysis three times per week, as my kidneys were not functioning. I was told that I would need a kidney transplant if they did not recover. I can tell you that I was certainly not impressed when I realized I was unsuccessful in my suicide attempt and was equally dismayed when I felt like I was going to be “handicapped” for the rest of my life. I even remember when the ER doc came to see how I was doing, I honestly had a hard time looking at her as I wished she hadn’t used “heroic measures” to save me.

While I was recovering, my friend Lisa gave me a book to read by Marianne Williamson called “A Return to Love”. There was a section in the book on surrender: “Surrender means the decision to stop fighting the world, and to start loving it instead. It is a gentle liberation from pain. But liberation isn’t about breaking out of anything; it’s a gentle melting into who we really are. We let down our armour, and discover the strength of our Christ self. We are simply asked to shift focus and to take on a more gentle perception. That’s all God needs. Just one sincere surrendered moment, when love matters more than anything, and we know that nothing else really matters at all. What He gives us in return for our openness to Him, is an outpouring of His power from deep within us. We are given His power to share with the world, to heal all wounds, awaken all hearts.”

I didn’t grow up in a family that expressed love verbally – I don’t think I’ve ever heard my Dad say “I love you”. And I doubted his love – partly because I doubted that I was loveable. I really looked at being adopted as a negative thing. I was Unwanted. Unloved. Discarded. That was the story I told myself over and over again. This has since shifted for me, but during this time in my life I was still stuck in that negativity. When I was recovering from my suicide attempt, my moment of surrender came when I was at my Dad’s. I knelt on the bedroom floor, my head in his lap and I surrendered to God. I remember saying, “I didn’t do this to be a gimp for the rest of my life. Please God. Please. Help me.” I didn’t want to remain on dialysis nor did I want to have a kidney transplant. I prayed for God to heal my kidneys. I sobbed. My Dad sat in silence and stroked my hair. He allowed me to be. He didn’t try to change the moment with words. He didn’t shame me or say “How could you have been so stupid?”. He just allowed the space of silence to be filled with his loving presence. After several minutes of heavy sobbing he said “It will be okay”. And so it was. A few weeks later, my kidneys made a physical recovery and I celebrated that fact that I could urinate again! I never, in my wildest dreams, ever imagined that that would be something that I would celebrate – LOL! My nephrologist said I was a walking miracle. Maybe I am. All I know is that moment on my knees was when I had reached my lowest point. My heart was finally open and I was as vulnerable and raw emotionally as I have ever been.

Even though my kidneys’ had made a physical recovery, I still had a lot of work to do mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I recall reading about a research project with two groups of AIDS patients – one group accepted their condition and had a strong support system. The other didn’t accept their condition, lived in shame because of it, were shunned from their communities and did not have any family support. They studied the outcomes of these 2 groups and not surprisingly, the positive group lived longer lives/had a better prognosis as well as less severity of symptoms and complications from their health condition than the other group. What dawned on me at that point in my recovery was that I had not accepted myself. I was living in shame because I had been diagnosed with a mental illness and I did not want anyone to know about it. I had also been told by my psychiatrist to not disclose my previous mental health history to anyone at work since it is confidential and the business world can be cut throat and ruthless. However, this kept me in the closet and stuck in shame. After reading “A Return to Love”, I began to think about healing. How do I recover? How do I learn to love myself? Is there another way to feel other than depressed and anxious? Slowly, very slowly, a crack of light began to shine through my broken heart. I figured that perhaps God wanted me here and it wasn’t my time. Since reading that book, I have spent the last 20 years learning to accept myself and trying to find natural ways of dealing with mental illness.

The sole reason I became a Naturopathic Doctor was because when I was struggling with my illness there weren’t many natural mental health experts. I had been seeing an ND since 1996; however, his expertise was not in the mental realm. I eventually went to a nutritionally oriented psychiatrist who practiced “orthomolecular” medicine – Dr. Abram Hoffer based in Victoria. Dr. Hoffer had been ostracized from the conventional medical community because he favoured using nutraceuticals (or vitamin supplements) over pharmaceuticals. I saw him in October 1999 when he was in his 80’s. After being on his protocol for several months, my depression and anxiety lifted. I could not believe it! It was at this point that I took stock of my life and while journaling one day, I asked myself one question: “If money didn’t matter – what would I be doing with my life?” The answer that came up for me was to help people recover from the mental illnesses that I have had (i.e. depression, anxiety, social phobia, an eating disorder) using naturopathic and orthomolecular medicine.

I would like to add that another pivotal moment for me in making my career change to become a Naturopathic Doctor was the death of my friends’ cousin to suicide in 1998. There were many family dinners where I sat across the table from his cousin and while I could tell that he was depressed and I knew that he was struggling – I was too stuck in stigma and shame to be able to reach my hand across the table to offer help or support. When I learned of his death – incidentally on the same day that I found out I had malignant melanoma – I felt guilty that I had not said or done something to help him. After all, I had tried to kill myself 4 years earlier and was still struggling with depression myself. Up until that point, when I learned that someone had committed suicide, I often found myself thinking – “Now they are at peace”. Of course I am projecting the pain and anguish I experienced onto them. I don’t recall thinking too much about the family that was left behind – only that the person was now free of the mental prison they must have been in. I also felt sad that they weren’t able to overcome their pain. I imagined that it must have been their time; otherwise God would not have let it happen.

When I attended the funeral, I witnessed first hand the aftermath of suicide. I saw the devastation of the family that is left behind – the distraught parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grand parents, cousins and friends. For the first time in my life, I appreciated another point of view of suicide other than the desire to end one’s own pain. That had always made it excusable and understandable to me – that in the moment someone decides to take their own life, they aren’t thinking about you or anything except ending the mental pain they are experiencing. I know for me, I didn’t love or accept myself and therefore, it didn’t matter what anyone else might go through if I died because I didn’t feel they cared or loved me either – which I know is not true, but that is how you feel when you are depressed. You don’t care – about yourself or anyone else. It was during this funeral that I realized that if I succumb to suicide in this lifetime, perhaps my soul would not evolve and I will just have to face it in my next lifetime (if there is indeed a “next lifetime”). I resigned myself to the belief – whether it is true or not – that if I am to evolve on a “soul level” that I must not succumb to suicide in this lifetime. I can tell you that in subsequent years, on more than one occasion, this single belief has been enough to stop me from further suicide attempts. Instead, I have reached out for help. Attending that funeral also helped to open my eyes to the aftermath that I would leave behind if I was successful in killing myself. I did not want to do that to my parents or those that loved me.

This article is not about justifying suicide, condoning or endorsing it. It is meant to educate about the pain that someone is in when they are suffering and it is my hope that the walls of stigma and shame are broken down. If you know someone that is depressed, maybe a phone call from you will make all the difference in his or her life. Don’t get upset if they don’t call you back – don’t take it personally. Just reach out again anyways. Maybe knock on their door to make sure they are okay. Don’t give up on people who are depressed because they are too negative or it takes too much effort. Try to put yourself in their shoes, be compassionate and understanding, remove the judgment and critical views you may have and open your heart so that their heart may, in turn, be healed.

When I work with patients, I teach them about the 8 pillars to health: 1) stress 2) sleep 3) exercise 4) nutrition & supplementation 5) thoughts & emotions 6) how they behave and react in the world 7) their environment/support group and 8) spirituality. In my work, the foundation is always compassion – for my patient and teaching them to love themselves. At the end of the day, I think it all comes down to love: Do you love yourself enough to make the changes I am going to ask you to make? Do you love yourself enough to take the steps that I am going to ask you to take? And in the case of mental health, do you love yourself enough to not take your own life? It is my hope that you do and that your heart is open enough to learn how to love yourself and you allow me to help you down the road of recovery. I remember when I walked down that road of recovery I had a theme song and it was “I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone” – you can watch it here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FscIgtDJFXg

Lastly, from “A Return to Love”:

“The past is over. It doesn’t matter who we are, where we came from, what Mommy said, what Daddy did, what mistakes we made, what diseases we have, or how depressed we feel. We don’t need another seminar, another degree, another lifetime, or anyone’s approval in order for this to happen. All we have to do is ask for a miracle and allow it to happen, not resist it. There can be a new beginning, a life unlike the past. Our relationships shall be made new. Our careers shall be made new. Our bodies shall be made new. Our planet shall be made new. So shall the will of God be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Not later, now. Not elsewhere, but here. Not through pain, but through peace. So be it. Amen.”

I hope you pass this message on to someone you know that may be experiencing mental anguish and consider sharing this video that I made and I hope you enjoy it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-7sRQRy0xY

Reference:
1. Suicidality and Suicide Attempt in a Young Female on Long-Term Sertraline Treatment http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3662142/

If you or someone you know may be experiencing a mental health crisis or contemplating suicide, call 1-833-456-4566 in Canada or text 988 in USA, In emergencies, call 911, or seek care from a local hospital or mental health provider.

This article as been written by the Orthomolecular Medicine News Service and is posted with their permission. The peer-reviewed Orthomolecular Medicine News Service is a non-profit and non-commercial informational resource. Please subscribe to here OMNS   http://orthomolecular.org/subscribe.html and find archived articles here;  http://orthomolecular.org/resources/omns/index.shtml

My ongoing relationship with vitamin C now spans a full 20 years, when I first met Dr. Hal Huggins, a pioneering dentist who opened my eyes to a wide array of clinical approaches to different diseases with hitherto unheard-of clinical results at his clinic in Colorado Springs. I can honestly say that my first visit to his clinic began the most meaningful part of my medical education. Nothing has been the same since. My office where I practiced adult cardiology ended up being shuttered shortly after that first visit. And I have never looked back.

While there are many things I learned from Dr. Huggins, and there were many areas I then ended up exploring because of what he taught me, the single most important thing I learned from him was the incredible ability of vitamin C to improve or heal so many conditions. Without exception, seriously ill patients, often with such diseases as Parkinson’s, ALS, Alzheimer’s, MS, and atherosclerosis, almost always had extensive dental toxicity in the form of root canal-treated teeth, infected dental implants, mercury amalgams, extensive cavitational osteonecrosis, and/or advanced periodontal disease. Each of these individuals had anywhere from three to five sessions of extensive dental work, typically involving a great deal of dental surgery along with the inevitable exposure to the toxins associated with anaerobic dental infections and the inescapable assimilation of some mercury vapor if amalgams were being removed. However, all of these patients received 50-gram (50,000 mg) infusions of vitamin C administered continuously before, during, and following the dental sessions. In patients with diseases that I had been led to believe could not really be improved upon, dramatic clinical improvement was routinely apparent immediately following the dental sessions.

While I knew the removal of dental toxicity was very important in their clinical improvements, watching these patients perk up after their first vitamin C infusion was extraordinary. Most healthy people I knew just wanted to go to bed after hours of extensive dental work. On at least one memorable occasion, after the first vitamin C infusion was complete, one especially sickly patient immediately began talking with her caregiver about what restaurant they could go to that evening to enjoy a meal. This patient had several teeth extracted, but was still looking forward to attacking a steak with the remaining teeth in her mouth. On a few priceless occasions, I even saw some wheelchair-bound patients take a few steps, with assistance, before they finished their two-week treatment period at the clinic.

Seeing was believing, and I realized the entire way that I approached patient care simply had to change. I needed learn a lot more about the intravenous delivery of this molecule known as ascorbic acid, or ascorbate. I resolved to research this vitamin as completely as possible, learn the nuances of that research as best I could, and then proceed to spread the word on the application of this incredibly potent, inexpensive, and non-toxic substance.

Research

Many of the “leads” that I followed in accumulating the many thousands of abstracts and articles came from the 1972 ground-breaking book by Irwin Stone entitled, The Healing Factor: “Vitamin C” Against Disease. Stone obtained forewords for his book by the renowned Nobel Prize winners, Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, who had discovered vitamin C in 1932, and Linus Pauling, who pretty much put vitamin C into the public eye as nobody else has been able to do.

In order not to miss any significant information published in the medical literature about vitamin C since the publication of Stone’s book, I entered the term “ascorbic acid” into the search engine of PubMed, and list of about 24,000 articles appeared. I gave all of these articles careful consideration in documenting the many clinical effects and laboratory effects of vitamin C. What began to emerge as I proceeded to review these thousands of articles was that vitamin C is more important than any other treatment for infection or exposure to toxin. Probably most impressive was the fact that vitamin C in test tube experiments had always neutralized any toxin to which it was exposed, regardless of the chemical structure of the toxin.

The validation and enormous importance of much of this test tube research came from the work of Frederick Klenner, MD in North Carolina. His clinical experience demonstrated how vitamin C was just as effective in the body as in the test tube in neutralizing or negating the toxic impact of whatever toxin the patient was exposed to. Snake venom, heavy metals, pesticides, cyanide, alcohol, carbon monoxide were all neutralized. The results that Dr. Klenner reported with infections were also astounding, as vitamin C, properly administered, proved to be the ultimate virucidal agent, curing all acute viral infections. These viral infections remain incurable by the standard approaches of modern medicine today. Furthermore, Klenner showed that vitamin C was also very effective in the treatment of many non-viral infections, improving the efficacy of treatment by antibiotics and other medications administered today. While I have seen but a fraction of the types of conditions that Dr. Klenner described, I fully believe the accuracy of everything Dr. Klenner published. I have applied vitamin C treatment to many patients with conditions similar to those treated by Dr. Klenner, along with several other conditions that Dr. Klenner did not have the opportunity to treat. With the perspective of this clinical experience, I have little reason to doubt any of the fabulous outcomes that he reported.

What I Have Witnessed

I recall here some of the most dramatic anecdotes about the healing power of vitamin C in the hope of conveying to the reader what an extraordinary addition it can be to the clinical options of any medical doctor. Shortly after the vitamin C book was completed and published, I began a limited clinical practice with a few colleagues. The circumstances were pretty much ideal for me, as I was able to give or prescribe intravenous vitamin C as needed.

Severe Influenza

In 2003 Denver was in the middle of a flu epidemic that infected over 6,000 individuals and ended up killing more than ten children and infants. In this setting, a slender but healthy 26-year-old woman developed a persistent fatigue that continued to progress. After a month of this ongoing fatigue she fell severely ill very quickly, with the classical flu-like symptoms of fever, chills, muscle aches and pains, headaches, and nausea. She tried in vain to deal with her symptoms and still go to school. However, after about a week of these symptoms and trying to maintain a normal level of activity, she only had the energy to stay in bed.

She remained in bed for the next ten weeks. Even her short trips to the bathroom depleted what little energy she had, as the out-of-bed excursions would cause her to feel feverish and would worsen her headaches. When I first saw her, she had lost 20% of her body weight, going from 100 pounds down to about 80 pounds. In response to a plea from her caregiver, I made a house call to her with my office manager/assistant, and we administered her first vitamin C IV there. I found her primarily just emaciated and appearing very malnourished. There was no evidence of liver enlargement or enlarged lymph nodes. Her bloodwork suggested a past Epstein-Barr virus infection, and it was reasoned that this chronic viral infection had just made her all the more susceptible to the epidemic of flu that was working its way through Denver and the rest of Colorado.

Her first IV consisted primarily of 50 grams of vitamin C as sodium ascorbate in 1,000 cc of lactated Ringer’s solution infused slowly over a period of about three hours. Six grams of glutathione was added toward the end of the infusion. The next five infusions contained 100 grams of sodium ascorbate, completed by the six grams of glutathione.

The morning after the first IV she was free of headaches for the first time in three months, and she felt much stronger. However, by the second infusion, she was able to walk a bit around the house. By the morning after the third infusion, she was able to walk outside and enjoy a little sunshine. She was able to walk into the clinic for her fourth infusion and subsequent treatments. She felt completely normal the day after the fourth infusion, but two more infusions over two more days were administered to prevent the possibility of relapse. An oral regimen of supplementation was started, and she was discharged from regular care.

Of particular importance in understanding the amount of vitamin C needed to effectively cure this patient’s chronic/acute viral syndrome is to note the patient’s weight of 80 pounds when first seen. 100 grams of vitamin C in a 80-pound patient is equivalent to 250 grams in a 200-pound patient. Further, the efficacy of the vitamin C was enhanced by the glutathione administration. Our conclusion from many similar cases was that any viral syndrome not resolving with vitamin C was almost always due to inadequate total dose, along with the virus not being readily accessible by the molecules of vitamin C, as in chronic hepatitis. A terminal (not early stage) case of a dangerous virus such as Ebola in a nutrient-depleted body might require even higher doses of vitamin C for clinical resolution, depending upon body size.

H1N1 Influenza

A New Zealand farmer contracted H1N1 influenza in 2009. Well-documented on New Zealand’s version of 60 Minutes, this individual had progressed to the point of being on life support, and the doctors had nothing further to offer.

A family member contacted me to ask what to do, and I advised intravenous vitamin C, 50 grams or more daily, immediately. However, I did not think there was any chance that the hospital or doctors would allow such treatment.

After an enormous struggle, the family finally got the doctor in charge to give vitamin C before “pulling the plug.” 25 grams of vitamin C was given intravenously the first day, 50 grams the second day, 75 grams the third day, and then 100 grams daily for 4 to 5 more days. At that point a new doctor in charge of the case discontinued the vitamin C completely, for unclear reasons, even though the patient was clearly responding, waking up, and dramatically clearing up the previous “white-out” state seen in chest X-rays of his congested lungs. A full week later, intravenous vitamin C was restarted at a mere one gram twice daily. But for the docs who thought the vitamin C was a foolish intervention, the proof of its efficacy was already at hand.

Pulmonary Embolism

While visiting Colombia, South America, I had the opportunity to see a 30-year-old woman who was bedridden and appearing to be in imminent danger of dying. She had been diagnosed with pulmonary embolism, and both of her legs were tender and swollen, appearing ready to set loose further emboli that would seal her fate. She was already on Coumadin anticoagulation, and her blood tests indicated the thinning of her blood was optimal.

Since I had brought some supplies with me on this trip in order to give a few selected friends (as well as myself) some intravenous vitamin C, I decided to try to help this individual out as best I could. While I was concerned about the vitamin C neutralizing the anticoagulant effects of the Coumadin, I was hoping to relieve her suffering a bit. I proceeded to give her 50 grams of vitamin C over about three hours. She tolerated the infusion well.

The following afternoon I returned to give her another vitamin C infusion. Her improvement was nearly miraculous. She was sitting up in bed and combing her hair, as she had just gotten out of bed and taken a shower on her own.

On the fourth day, following the third infusion, she was smiling and very pleased to report how good her legs were feeling. I was very pleased, but I was also concerned over the possibility of relapse, as I could not continue the IV infusions. She did continue to improve, however, as I left her with several months worth of vitamin C powder, taken at 2,000 mg daily.

West Nile Virus

I have treated two cases of West Nile virus, and both responded very dramatically. A Colorado man in his 60s had already been sick for a month or two when he went to his local hospital and ended up testing positive for West Nile virus. His symptoms included persistent headaches, a bit of disorientation, and a low-grade fever. Upon arrival at my clinic, he was given 75 grams of vitamin C intravenously followed by 6 grams of glutathione intravenously. He was also given a hyperbaric oxygen treatment. By 36 hours post-treatment, he felt completely normal and remained so.

Another man in his 50s contracted the West Nile virus and presented with a history of chronic virus-associated symptoms over the preceding six months. He received three infusions of vitamin C on consecutive days and reported having no further symptoms after the completion of the third infusion. There was no clinical relapse, and the cure was complete. He commented that the whole experience seemed “like a miracle.”

Infectious Mononucleosis

Two college students presented with chronic infectious mononucleosis. Both had been sick for months, primarily with severe fatigue, and they had already dropped out of their classes, not having the energy to continue. Both received several 50-gram infusions of vitamin C and had prompt, complete resolution of their chronic infections and persistent symptoms.

Acute Lyme Disease

A young woman in Pennsylvania was bitten by a pathogen-carrying tick, developed the classical Lyme-associated rash, and proceeded to get very ill over the next seven to ten days. She received several infusions of vitamin C at her house. The first infusion was 100 grams, and her caregiver reported that she seemed much improved upon the completion of that infusion. Five more infusions of 50 grams each were given over the next two days. By the time that 72 hours had passed, she was completely well, never having a clinical relapse or any chronic Lyme symptoms.

Chronic Lyme Disease

A woman with a 12-year history of chronic Lyme disease, documented by blood testing, desired having regular and prolonged high-dose intravenous vitamin C therapy for her condition. Under the aegis of a prescribing physician who had attended one of my presentations of vitamin C, a nurse practitioner was able to give the patient what she wished.

This individual had already been taking liposome-encapsulated vitamin C and glutathione orally without a significant improvement in her condition. On four consecutive days, she received infusions of 25, 50, 75, and then 100 grams of vitamin C. Then, for 19 more days, she received 5 or 6 infusions weekly of 100 grams of vitamin C in each infusion. Until day 23, she felt no improvement. However, she was determined to continue in spite of the lack of improvement and the increasing expense of the whole process. On day 23, the nurse practitioner reported that she looked like a new person, and that it was like a “switch was flipped” and she was well. At her request, the patient received another week of 100 gram daily infusions to be sure her condition was truly resolved, a very good idea on her part. About a month later, her Lyme blood testing was completely negative.

A physician reported to me similar experiences with a series of Lyme patients, who showed no positive clinical response after an extended number of vitamin C infusions, then had a dramatic, abrupt clinical resolution of their condition, very much as described above.

Final Notes

Vitamin C is truly Nature’s gift to health and healing. Virtually all medical conditions are associated with increased oxidative stress, and the relief, or at least partial relief, of this oxidative stress with the vigorous administration of vitamin C and other quality antioxidants, will always help. The oxidative stress caused by disease and environmental toxins can deplete the body’s level of vitamin C and other antioxidants. In serious illness, the body’s reserve of vitamin C goes to zero because the rate at which the body regenerates it is far lower than the rate of depletion. This can require huge doses to bring it back to normal. Even if you are taking antibiotics or other prescription medicines, bringing your levels of vitamin C in your body back to normal, or temporarily supranormal, will virtually always result in profound benefits.

The treatment is effective and, compared to the expense of conventional treatment, it is inexpensive. Few medicines and therapeutic interventions are more affordable than, and as non-toxic as, vitamin C. Even though something as extraordinarily beneficial as vitamin C might seem too good to be true, that’s definitely not the case.

(Thomas E. Levy, MD, JD is a board-certified internist and cardiologist, and author of several books. His website is http://www.PeakEnergy.com .)

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Have you ever wanted to make a career change, but felt stuck in fear? I came across this journal entry from March, 2000 when I was mustering up the courage to leave my role at HSBC Asset Management. I hope it might inspire you in some way!

” Why do you want to leave your job so badly? Well, I’m not interested. It’s not really where I want to be. People have always said “Oh, you’re too smart to be a teacher” and I took that as I better do something great with my life. But working at HSBC isn’t it even though I have a great job and report to a CEO. I’d like the time to figure out what I want to do – go back to Kindergarten if I have to and start all over.

I’m feeling a pit in my stomach because this is very scary, but at the same time I am excited. Now maybe some doors will open. I’d also like to take some time to visit with Granny & mom a little more – maybe do more for Mom – not sure what I can do, but helping her in the garden might be a good start.

So, how are you feeling? What thoughts are going through your head? I have to admit I have doubts, there are definitely doubts. I have that pit in my stomach, sort of a nauseous feeling. I am thinking about what Eleanor (Cheryl’s mother-in-law) & my mom said “don’t look for happiness in your job because not many people find it….” And when I hear that statement I wonder why not me? Why can’t I love what I do? Why can’t I find something I enjoy more, be it for less money – and be happier. It is interesting how exhausted I am all the time and what Cheryl said – that perhaps I am exhausted because I am using all my energy up on an issue that is emotionally draining – for me it is work and my relationship. Okay, now I am having tightness in my chest. Be present with that Christina – what is that all about? Maybe do the “I’ll be happy when” exercise that Cheryl taught you. For me it’s I’ll be happy when:
1. I leave my job at HSBC
2. I find some other work that interests me
3. I work at a dead end job like being a barista at Starbucks – it has no pressure and no responsbility
4. I become a teacher
5. I have my own business
6. I move in with my partner
7. I quit my job
8. I become a Naturopathic Doctor or Orthomolecular Doctor
9. I write my book
10. I become an advocate for something I believe in
11. I can be myself
12. I can know myself
13. I can be true to myself
14. I can be true to others
15. I am not exhausted all the time
16. I have enough money so that I don’t have to work and can retire
17. My health is better
18. I acknowledge my feelings
19. I listen to my feelings
20. I listen to my inner spirit
21. I learn from the inside out
22. I live from the inside out
23. I am free of the chains that bind me – what are those chains? a. Work b. Weight
24. I am helping others
25. When I am in control
26. When I call the shots for me
27. When I know what I want
28. When I know Who I am
29. When I know What I stand for
30. When I know What I am interested in

I’ll be happy when all this is done.

Now I feel like you should keep working until you have a plan. Is that your voice or your parents? I think it might be my parents….what would you say to a friend?
I would say “You’ll know when it is right…only you can decide” ”

Do you have an “I’ll be happy when” list? The truth is, you don’t have to wait for your list to be checked off to be happy. Happiness starts now, with this breath, with this moment. Don’t wait for the “when” to happen at some point in the future. Your life is here. Now. Let it begin with joy.

Dr. Chris was interviewed by Dr. Christina Tarantola who is a pharmacist, as well as a holistic nutritionist in the USA. Wonderful words of wisdom were shared about how you can heal from depression, anxiety, eating disorders and addictions. You can listen to the interview or read more below.

Question 1. I agree that in order to heal you need to become aware of and remove the cause. Pharmaceuticals seek to mask those symptoms, especially in the case of depression and anxiety. How do you help your clients understand what might be causing their depression, anxiety or addictions?

As Naturopathic Doctors, we seek to find the root cause of a health condition. When it comes to depression, anxiety and additions, I explain that there are three macro areas that need to be addressed: Neurotransmitters, the neuroendocrine or hormonal system and the organs of detoxification. Typically with depression and anxiety, the medical community is focused on the physical level of neurotransmitters but we have to bear in mind that every hormone, if out of balance, can affect one’s mood. I explain to patients that addressing some key micro areas that impact health treats these macro areas. These micro areas are based on the foundation of:

• diet
• sleep
• exercise
• stress

The next areas to address include looking at one’s:

• thoughts
• emotions
• how you behave and react in the world
• your environment (not only the environment you are currently in, but the environment you are raised in and also the quality of the food, air, water – i.e. toxic load that may affect your overall system)
• spirituality

I explain how all of those areas need to be addressed with compassion and love for yourself because at the end of the day it all comes down to that.

Yesterday I had a new patient with chief concerns of alcoholism, depression, agoraphobia and anxiety. I asked her if she loved or liked herself and she said not at all. I said, well, we need to start there!

Question 2. I love the concept of the “ripple effect” that healing really starts from the spiritual layer then fans out to the mental/emotional and then the physical. What techniques and tools can people use to connect spiritually?

I think the most important tool is learning to pause, breathe and calm that stress response that often leaves people on the treadmill of the “rat race” – when people are stuck in this sympathetic stress cycle, it is hard to hear their inner voice/voice of wisdom/intuition – which I call the voice of your heart, spirit, soul or God that is there behind the scenes wanting to guide your life. So a relaxation or contemplative meditation practice is key. People have to find something that resonates with them – and it doesn’t have to be religion – it can be volunteering at a soup kitchen, becoming a Big Brother or Sister or creating a community garden. The key is it has to speak to you.

Ultimately we are social/spiritual beings and building that sense of community in one’s life is important because with depression and anxiety we often feel so alone with the thoughts that are plaguing us and we find it hard to reach out for help.

For me, personally, learning to recognize my thoughts, refrain from following them by relaxing into my body with my breath has been pivotal in my recovery. With patients I teach them about: the 4 question inquiry of Byron Katie; the 4 Agreements; The Heart quest, boundary work, emotional enquiry, Cognitive behavioural therapy, Gestalt language repositioning, thought reprogramming, mindfulness teachings from a variety of teachers (i.e. Jon Kabat Zinn, Eckhart Tolle, Jeff Foster, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Deepak Chopra and Cheryl Richardson to name a few) – these are all tools I utilize with patients. Ultimately, I address the four key areas with patients: 1) the physical level with nutrition, nutraceuticals, botanical medicine and/or pharmaceuticals (as necessary) 2) the mental level 3) the emotional level and 4) the spiritual level.

Question 3. I enjoyed reading the analogy in your article on mental health titled “One of the Seven Levels of Depression” about throwing garbage out the window. You mentioned that if you continue to treat, there will be flies and the garbage will smell. If you clean up the problem, the flies will go away and there will be no smell! How can people begin to do this? What is the first step?

I usually explain to patients that I was on and off antidepressants/antianxiolytic & mood stabilizing medications for about 15 years and every time I would go off them, I would end up depressed & anxious and every time I was prescribed them, things would get moderately better. But the fact that I would get unwell again upon stopping them highlighted to me that I wasn’t dealing with the “garbage” I was just masking the symptoms. You have probably heard a similar analogy with a car- in that when the engine isn’t working right, a light will come on, but if you ignore the light by cutting the wire (which is analogous to taking medications), pretty soon the car may stop running completely because you never looked under the hood in the first place to determine what was wrong.

The first step is to recognize that the physical building blocks for forming neurotransmitters comes from food and that food is information to your body. I’d recommend working with a Naturopathic Doctor or a holistic nutritionist to get that foundation right. Once you start to feel better, then it is much easier to do look at the other areas I’ve mentioned (ie your thoughts, emotions, etc) and make the necessary changes in those areas. I will add that I am not anti-medication, but my mantra with respect to both nutraceuticals and pharmaceuticals is minimum dose for maximum benefit. As I practice Orthomolecular medicine, the dosage I would recommend for nutraceuticals goes far beyond what you would find in a multi-vitamin.

Question 4. Ultimately there needs to be a willingness to change and heal. Our privilege as healthcare professionals and healers is to guide patients/clients – not force them into change. What advice can you offer for a new practitioner in the healing or health field in regard to this?

I have many suggestions for new practitioners in the healing or health field:

a) Ultimately, you have to meet patients where they are. For example, I completely understand how difficult it is to ask someone who is depressed to get outside and exercise. I can tell you there were days when I was depressed that that was ALL that I accomplished in a day – it may have taken me 8 hours to get myself out of bed, dressed, and out the door, but I can tell you that I never once felt worse when I came back. On the other hand, we have to recognize that people have come to us for guidance and they want advice on how to get well. I explain to patients that Rome wasn’t built in a day, but here is where we are trying to get too. Most wish Rome had been build last week, but the reality is the road to recovery may have bumps along the way – it might be 4 steps forward, 1 step back, 10 steps forward, 2 steps back – as you “peel the onion” and emotions come to the surface to heal. It can feel like you aren’t making progress but the overall trajectory in healing has been in a positive direction.

b) I’d also add that it is vital for you to do your own healing work – one mentor said to me when I asked him for advice: “when I learned to get out of the way of my patients, that is when the healing occurred”. Being able to see your own biases, judgments, issues, blocks, insecurities etc, and resolve those or set them aside when you are with a patient is vital to their healing, and yours.

c) Keep things simple, as it can be overwhelming at first to see a Naturopathic Doctor. I typically give them 2-5 diet changes that are easy to make – i.e. decrease coffee, no pop, increase water and eat a tryptophan forming food – and you’d be amazed at how much better people feel with such seemingly simple advice. I often focus on increasing healthy foods in the diet, versus eliminating entire food groups. I share with patients how overwhelmed I was after my first visit to a Naturopathic Doctor – I had to eliminate wheat, dairy, sugar, eggs and chocolate. And this was back in 1996 when it wasn’t trendy to go gluten-free. I didn’t even know what quinoa was, let alone how to say it or spell it. However, when I did eliminate these foods and cleaned up my diet, I felt incredible and the change was remarkable.

d) In essence, I help patients see that the first step on a new path is always the hardest to take. Make it a small one, and you will be surprised that, in time, you will be running down the road of recovery. Remember that there may be potholes along the road and it my feel like the journey is long and slow at times. Trust in the healing process, be patient and you will get “there”. There is no quick-fix solution to multi-factorial conditions. Everyone needs to find his or her own balance point in life. Don’t compare yourself to others. Trust in your own intuitive self and the inherent healing powers you have at your fingertips while at the same time working with experienced healthcare professionals. Most people have addictions, issues, and things to get over, learn or adjust to – life is about how we navigate the waves of our lives. It really is about the journey, not the destination. For most of my life, I lived for the destination while ignoring the journey. Now, I am learning to enjoy the journey as much as I appreciate the destination. I was recently asked to explain in a few words what I do. My response was: “I help people make peace with the present moment – piece by piece.”

e) In summary, for new practitioners, I would say:
– give people hope that they will get better
– listen and hear your patients – meet them where they are at, and gently show them the vision of Rome and how to get there one step at a time
– do your own personal work so you can make sure you aren’t getting in the way of the healing process
– Trust in naturopathic medicine (i.e. nutrition, botanical medicine, Traditional Chinese Medicine/acupuncture, homeopathy, hydrotherapy) because it works.

One of my first cases in practice was a 51 year old female who was experiencing horrible symptoms from menopause. She wasn’t sleeping because of extreme hot flashes and night sweats, and this was affecting her ability to function at work during the day. I typically explain to patients that there are three levels of hormone therapy:

1) Synthetic – which is the most potent
2) Bio-identical hormone replacement therapy (BHRT)– which is still synthetic, but the chemical components in the cream are similar in molecular structure to human hormones which is why it is referred to as “bio-identical” and
3) Naturopathic treatment using diet, lifestyle suggestions, herbs, acupuncture, homeopathics and nutraceuticals.

I also explain that in Western medicine, we have medicalized our menstrual cycle and hormonal symptoms.

Instead of understanding that signals from the body – in terms of PMS or menopausal symptoms (i.e. menstrual cramps, heavy periods, irregular flow, abdominal bloating, cravings, increased appetite, weight gain, irritability, anxiety/nervous tension, crying, depression, forgetfulness, mood swings, breast tenderness/lumps, dizziness/faintness, fatigue, headaches, hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, and insomnia) – are messages that you are out of balance hormonally, Western medicine deems that you have a medical condition and the solution typically recommended is to take the birth control – a suppressive hormonal therapy that puts women at risk for other health issues including cancer if used for greater than 10 years.1 In terms of menopause, the mistake that many clinicians make is prescribing synthetic or BHRT hormone treatments on a daily basis with no regard to the bi-phasic monthly hormone cycle.

For most cases of hormone imbalance, patients are willing to take some form of therapy to restore hormone balance – either botanical tinctures, supplementation, acupuncture, etc. However, in the case mentioned above, the patient did not want to take anything to manage her symptoms and she was not keen on acupuncture, so her prescription was as follows:

1) Eliminate all stress in your life
2) See a counsellor/psychologist for stress management
3) Quit dairy and wheat
4) Quit caffeine
5) Follow up in 2 weeks

When I saw the patient at her next appointment, she was feeling 80% better and her symptoms had almost completely resolved. I asked her what she did to eliminate all stress in her life as in the initial appointment we had discussed what was causing her the most anxiety. In her case, the primary stress in her life was her marriage. The patient decided that she no longer wanted to work on the marriage and had verbalized to her husband that she wanted a divorce. She admitted that the dietary changes were difficult for her, but that she had been 100% compliant. The reason I find this case so remarkable is it highlights a few key points:

1. Less is often more
2. The role of stress in health
3. How the foods we eat and what we drink can either be supportive to our health or contribute to the decline of our health
4. There are physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects to health
5. The simplicity of naturopathic medicine

When working with patients, often a primary goal is to balance the neuro-endocrine system and I focus on that versus the label or diagnosis the patient has been given. Neuroendocrinology is the study of the interaction between the nervous system and the endocrine system, including the biological features of the cells involved, and how they communicate. Neuroendocrinology arose from the recognition that the hypothalamus controls secretion of pituitary gland hormones which maintain balance in the body by regulating reproduction, metabolism, eating and drinking behaviour, energy utilization, osmolarity, and blood pressure.2 The glands involved include the adrenal, parathyroid, pituitary and thyroid glands, as well as the ovaries, pancreas, and testes.

When hormone levels of progesterone, testosterone and estrogen decline at menopause, there are two back up systems in the body for production of these hormones: the adrenal gland and fat cells. If women are out of hormonal balance in the decades prior to menopause, and they have not taken care of their adrenal glands or learned to manage the stress in their lives – then the primary back up system for the production of these hormones from the adrenal glands may be lower at menopause. The key point to understand is that menopause can be a joyful experience as one enters into the next phase of their life. It does not have to be a difficult time for women. For this patient, the underlying stress in her marriage was contributing to compromised function of her adrenal glands and the dietary recommendations served to support the function of this important gland. A key step to healing for her was to verbalize and express how she was truly feeling, acknowledge how stressed she was in her marriage, and take steps to finding a solution that worked for her.

As Naturopathic doctors, a primary tenet of our medicine is to address the root cause of disease. It is important not to chase the branches (i.e. symptoms) but to figure out what is going on from a macro perspective in the body, where the imbalances are and restore the body back to function. Call us at 587-521-3595 if you feel your hormones are in need of help or to find a Naturopathic Doctor please visit cand.ca and give yourself the gift of health today!

References:
1. http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/oral-contraceptives
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroendocrinology

Dr. Mason-Wood, ND was on Global Edmonton’s Breakfast Television in January discussing neural therapy. Thank you to Dr. Gord Grant from The Turning Point Acupuncture Clinic for inviting us on his monthly health segment. If you missed it, you can view the informative interviews below:

As someone who has spent over a decade of my life deeply depressed, I have contemplated death for many, many hours on many dark nights. In the face of suicide attempts, I have tried to end my life, to no avail – not once, not twice, but three times. At the WakeUp Festival in 2013, I attended Jeff Foster’s workshops (I had no idea who he was) and I finally embodied the truth of his words. The light bulb was permanently turned on in my mind, heart and soul. It had been flickering in the year’s prior through the readings of many other spiritual teachers (i.e. Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Eckhart Tolle, Cheryl Richardson, etc). I never understood people who were afraid of death….afraid of dying. I desperately wanted that. I don’t think I began living until I was 35….and even then, depression was a constant friend, a familiar face, a place of comfort. It has been my process for the last 15 years to learn to not only love life, but to love myself. I am not afraid of death but I no longer invite it into my life every night when I fall asleep. My evening & morning prayers have shifted from “Please God, take me in my sleep” and “Oh God, not another day” to “Thank you God for the gift of sleep” and “Oh God, it IS another day – Yeah!”. 40 years in the making that transition was. Thank you Jeff Foster your words below really moved me.- Dr. Chris

“THE BEAUTY OF GOODBYES BY JEFF FOSTER
Your family members will die. Your partner, your friends, your mother, your father, even your precious children. Your own body will cease to function, and this could happen sooner rather than later. We want to turn from this fact, try to not think about it, call the topic ‘depressing’ or ‘negative’ or ‘too dark’. Lighten up, we say, desperately attempting to banish endings – as if they were enemies – from our consciousness, burying in mud the pain, the sadness, the longings, the fears, the dread of eternity, distracting ourselves with the business of the day, and platitudes, and ‘positive thinking’, and religions rooted in fear and second-hand promises, and a refusal to face nature and her ancient ways. We struggle to control our lives even more fiercely, and exhaust ourselves in trying to save ourselves.
For lurking underneath our frivolity, our distractions, our attempts to control the Uncontrollable, the anxiety still rumbles, the ancient fears of the deep, the spectre of loss, the certainty of the passing of things, often when we least expect it, or want it, or trust it, or are ready. But as all the great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have reminded us, death is a part of the great cycle of life, and impermanence is built into the very core of our human experience, and nothing is certain except uncertainty, nothing is really promised except ‘what is’, and we ignore the cycle at our peril. Everything is burning, as the Buddha taught, and even Christ looked death and decay in the eye, and to a lesser or greater extent, we all must contemplate death in order to value life, to feel fully alive, to know our place in the vastness of the cosmos.
We avoid the contemplation of death really to avoid our own heartbreak. But to allow our hearts to break, to soften them, to sink deeply into the knowing that everything will fall, everything will pass, everything will crumble, can be the great portal to awakening. We simply stop taking everything for granted. We stop living in ‘tomorrow’ and turn towards the living day. We stop seeking our happiness in the future, clinging to the promises of others, and begin to break open into a bigger happiness that is rooted in presence, and truth, and allows for the coming but also the going of things, that accepts the little deaths as they happen each day, the disappointments, the losses, the shattered expectations, the goodbyes. The Unexpected becomes our friend, a constant companion. We break open into bitter-sweetness, into fragility and utter vulnerability, into the gift of every moment, of every encounter with a friend, a lover, a stranger.
Every moment is rendered sacred, holy, because it could be the last one. That is not depressing to the heart, but liberating, nourishing. Because now you are free, free to really live, and love, and give yourself fully to existence.
Every instant of contact with a partner, a friend, a mother, a father, a beloved child, is seen to be infinite, eternal. We allow our hearts to break as they open today, taking loss into the bigness of love, holding each other close as we walk our paths, learning to cherish our physicality even though it is burning, ephemeral, ending even as it begins. As Eckhart Tolle reminds us, even the Sun will die.
Everything is an illusion, and illusion does not mean ‘unreal’ but ‘transient’, passing in our presence, unable to be held for long, and therefore loveable as it is. Through looking death in the eyes, we discover a happiness that is not dependent on form, and begin to lose our basic fear of living. We find God – the presence of love, light, awareness, eternity – in the midst of our ‘ordinary’ days, through the gains and the losses, the pleasure and the heartache, the sadness and the most profound joys of this crazy, beautiful human experience.
True love holds within it the contemplation of the loss of the beloved, as every true hello contains its own goodbye, as the sky holds the stars.
“I love you, friend, and I won’t always be around in this form, and neither will you, but we are here together, now…”

My mom means the world to me – she is one of the most important people in my life. She has been my greatest fan, biggest believer, constant cheerleader and always, always has my back – no matter what. It hasn’t been easy for her to be a mother to an adopted daughter who has a major mental illness – and no one ever talks about who is caring for the caregiver. I remember when I was initially very sick with my condition and she was struggling to find answers for me – it was very stressful. Can you imagine having to admit your child to the psychiatric ward against their will? She still apologizes – over 30 years later – for doing that. My response is “It was the right thing to do. I needed help that you couldn’t provide and the hospital was the best place for me.”

As Mother’s day approaches – what are you doing to show your love and appreciation for your mother. If your mother is no longer with you – how can you spend the time with positive memories of her – staying in appreciation and gratitude of the magnitude of her love for you. If your mother was not a mother – and some people are just too unhealthy to do so – how can you move through the anger, frustration and disappointment to acceptance of what is – and ground yourself in understanding and compassion for her shortcomings – as painful as they may have been for you.

Until I became a mother myself, I never fully appreciated all that my mom did for me. As I am adopted, I was always yearning to understand my biological mother and questioned why or how she could have given me up for adoption. I struggled with being accepted & loved and until my early 30’s I felt like I was never wanted. This shift to self-love and compassion for my soul has been profound. It has been the medicine that I needed to recover from years of disordered eating, addiction to exercise, depression and anxiety. When I met my biological mother in 1992, my mom wrote this in a card to her:

“I hope you are proud of Christina – she is a wonderful girl. I have always considered it a privilege to be her mother and I thank you.”

On this mother’s day – I say “thank you” to you, Mom. I love you!

Yesterday was the 21st anniversary of my suicide attempt. I’ve written about this before, but this year I have been writing my book and in this process I have been reviewing my journals. It is no coincidence that last week, I was reading my journal from 1994 (age 27) when my struggle into darkness seemed impossible to emerge from. I think I have had the experiences I have had, the struggle of coming to the place of understanding & acceptance and the pain of feeling ostracized my entire life in order to learn to accept myself. For me – being adopted into a family some of whom weren’t as open to the idea of adoption (on my dad’s side) when they said to my parents – “Well, blood is thicker than water….”…this contributed to my feeling like I never “fit” anywhere – especially being adopted into a Norwegian family full of blonde haired, blue-eyed beauties. All of this was necessary for me to learn forgiveness ultimately of myself and others.

In school, I was always highly sensitive, shy and teased. Then my plunge into the depths of depression, anxiety and bulimia were all hard pills to swallow. These mental health labels were something I hid. It has been a secret that is deep, dark and covered in lots of stigma, shame, discomfort, taboo, lack of acceptance and denial. They are my “shadow” sides1 – the disowned parts of myself that I didn’t like, love or accept.

For the past 30 years, I have been working on accepting these aspects of myself and learning to love those parts of myself that I don’t want to look at – that I shun, disbelieve and deny – essentially, I have been acknowledging my shadows.

With the writing of my book, where I unveil all my truth – and risk all my greatest fears – fears of ostracism, misunderstanding, judgment and stigmatization – I reclaim these denied aspects of my soul that need as much love as the rest of me. I have been scouring my journals from 1984-2014 – and I found it fitting that last week I stumbled across the last entries I made in my journal before attempting suicide – here is what I wrote:

February 24, 1994:
I am home today (at Mom’s) – took a day of bereavement leave for my Grandma’s (on my Dad’s side) funeral and I will go to the memorial service tomorrow. Last night and today I almost feel depressed!! I think it is because I am worn out, tired, sick with a cold (still), lonely, confused about the future etc. As far as work goes, I haven’t had a chance to enjoy anything because I’ve been stressed with mutual funds. My colleague is picking the shit out of me, going through my papers and things, but soon it will be better when I have the time to do what I want. I must try hard to maintain the correct balance – don’t overwork yourself, try to get to work by 7-7:30am and leave by 5:30-6pm in order to do your workout and things for yourself like write, sew, decorate, visit friends, etc. I think I’m feeling really single at the moment, but you know that it doesn’t matter – you have to be comfortable with yourself & love yourself & then you’ll meet the right person. Its not that I am “miss picky” – it is just that I know the importance of finding a “soul mate”. Don’t worry about things Chris, you’ll be fine, look forward & up with a smile on your face & in your heart!

Next entry: March 20, 1994
Well, work is still stressful, but getting somewhat better. It is frightening what I don’t know, but it’s just as frightening to see the way the Branch operates. Oh well, things will get better – just remember that you can’t do it all in one day! Be patient, work hard, but also relax and enjoy yourself. Sweet dreams Christabelle! Remember who loves you the most and always will xoxo

Next entry March 31, 1994
I’m really not digging my job – I can’t stand the disorganization, how long it takes to do one thing, lack of support. The person I replaced was a jerk. Things just seem to get dumped on you – I can’t seem to get ahead. My time doesn’t feel like my own. Solutions? Suicide! Quit your job! No, come on Chrissy, you can do it – have an attitude adjustment & be positive. It will just take time before everything comes together. Make out your to-do lists and try to stick to them.

Next entry: June 5, 1994
Well, it’s been two months since I’ve written and things haven’t been going that great. I’m still very unhappy with life, my job, etc and I can’t seem to figure out what is the problem. I am definitely depressed. I’ve been to Dr. Remick who put me on an anti-depressant (Zoloft) which has helped a bit, but not a lot! I have to try and figure out why/what it is that’s making me feel this way. Is it work? Do you like what you do? Can you even answer that question? I’m not thrilled with the Branch Manager or the other Commercial Lender. I don’t really trust them, especially when they go behind my back and authorize commercial deals that I’ve just declined without even explaining it to me so I can learn.

Is it your love life? What love life! Well, not really because I’m not ready for anyone serious right now. I’m not interested in physical contact – the companionship would be welcomed, but it’s not really that.

What about the fact that you’ve been wanting to take your life! You have to make a decision either way – you make your life better by changing what is bothering you – or you give up. To give up is a cop out, I suppose, but it seems like a pretty good option at times. Over the past 8 weeks you’ve been trying to think of other career opportunities – cop, teacher, your own business or Outward Bound, but nothing has really happened – you haven’t come to any conclusions except you want to quit your job. But why?! Do you hate banking? What would be more along your lines – health, nutrition, helping others? I wish I never decided to do a Commerce degree and go into business/banking. Well, no decisions have come now with this writing. I may or may not talk to you later depending on how things unfold. Don’t compare yourself to others; just do the best you can do. Maybe you should go in and talk to the Branch Manager – tell him how much you hate your position right now. Maybe I am in over my head – Ask him what he thinks I should do?

And that was it. I never talked to anyone about how I was feeling. That the thoughts of self-doubt had been plaguing me for 6 months – thoughts that constantly told me: I wasn’t good enough, I was stupid, I was a loser, I was not worth the breath I was breathing, etc. Four days later, I tried to kill myself. I consider June 9, 1994 like my birthday. It is the day I woke up and started the process of acceptance of myself which has been unraveling for the last 21 years. Given the amount of poison I consumed, I really should not be here. I realize that no one leaves the planet until God decides it is time, and you’ve passed the tests that you’ve come here to learn. I’m still learning to love myself and others, to be open to all possibilities, to let go of my fears, to go deep into the darkness and from this, I know that all will be what it will be in the end – and it is beautiful. All of it. May you continue to see the beauty in your life – and may you be able to see the beauty or gifts in the pain you endure.
My heart will always go out to you.

Reference:
1. Ford, Debbie; Chopra, Deepak and Williamson, Marianne: “The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self” (May 3, 2011)