“I’ll be happy when”

Have you ever wanted to make a career change, but felt stuck in fear? I came across this journal entry from March, 2000 when I was mustering up the courage to leave my role at HSBC Asset Management. I hope it might inspire you in some way!

” Why do you want to leave your job so badly? Well, I’m not interested. It’s not really where I want to be. People have always said “Oh, you’re too smart to be a teacher” and I took that as I better do something great with my life. But working at HSBC isn’t it even though I have a great job and report to a CEO. I’d like the time to figure out what I want to do – go back to Kindergarten if I have to and start all over.

I’m feeling a pit in my stomach because this is very scary, but at the same time I am excited. Now maybe some doors will open. I’d also like to take some time to visit with Granny & mom a little more – maybe do more for Mom – not sure what I can do, but helping her in the garden might be a good start.

So, how are you feeling? What thoughts are going through your head? I have to admit I have doubts, there are definitely doubts. I have that pit in my stomach, sort of a nauseous feeling. I am thinking about what Eleanor (Cheryl’s mother-in-law) & my mom said “don’t look for happiness in your job because not many people find it….” And when I hear that statement I wonder why not me? Why can’t I love what I do? Why can’t I find something I enjoy more, be it for less money – and be happier. It is interesting how exhausted I am all the time and what Cheryl said – that perhaps I am exhausted because I am using all my energy up on an issue that is emotionally draining – for me it is work and my relationship. Okay, now I am having tightness in my chest. Be present with that Christina – what is that all about? Maybe do the “I’ll be happy when” exercise that Cheryl taught you. For me it’s I’ll be happy when:
1. I leave my job at HSBC
2. I find some other work that interests me
3. I work at a dead end job like being a barista at Starbucks – it has no pressure and no responsbility
4. I become a teacher
5. I have my own business
6. I move in with my partner
7. I quit my job
8. I become a Naturopathic Doctor or Orthomolecular Doctor
9. I write my book
10. I become an advocate for something I believe in
11. I can be myself
12. I can know myself
13. I can be true to myself
14. I can be true to others
15. I am not exhausted all the time
16. I have enough money so that I don’t have to work and can retire
17. My health is better
18. I acknowledge my feelings
19. I listen to my feelings
20. I listen to my inner spirit
21. I learn from the inside out
22. I live from the inside out
23. I am free of the chains that bind me – what are those chains? a. Work b. Weight
24. I am helping others
25. When I am in control
26. When I call the shots for me
27. When I know what I want
28. When I know Who I am
29. When I know What I stand for
30. When I know What I am interested in

I’ll be happy when all this is done.

Now I feel like you should keep working until you have a plan. Is that your voice or your parents? I think it might be my parents….what would you say to a friend?
I would say “You’ll know when it is right…only you can decide” ”

Do you have an “I’ll be happy when” list? The truth is, you don’t have to wait for your list to be checked off to be happy. Happiness starts now, with this breath, with this moment. Don’t wait for the “when” to happen at some point in the future. Your life is here. Now. Let it begin with joy.

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