Feed your Head Q&A

The video stops being shaky after the first minute.

The movie “Feed your Head” was watched in Calgary – and this video shows Dr. Bjorndal answering questions on the spot after the film viewing. The movie is about psychiatrists Abram Hoffer and Humphry Osmond met in Saskatchewan in 1951, and embarked on a quest to do what traditional psychiatry deemed impossible: to find a cure for schizophrenia. Their work spawned a number of directions for research, many of which are only gaining acceptance in wider circles now.

Their primary contribution to psychiatry was a theory about treating people suffering from mental illness using nutrition. Hoffer and Osmond set out to prove that the symptoms of schizophrenia could be controlled with healthy, unprocessed food and large doses of vitamins.

Linus Pauling was an American scientist, peace activist, two-time Nobel Prize winning author and educator. Pauling & Hoffer became friends and together advocated for mega-doses of niacin, vitamin C and other nutrients in the treatment of all kinds of disease. Pauling came up with the name “Orthomolecular” for this new, yet ancient, form of treatment. Orthomolecular means “the right molecules in the right amounts.”

Hoffer, Osmond and Pauling were way ahead of their time. Their work coincided with a general movement towards de-institutionalization in mental health, releasing patients back into the community with no real support system. At the same time, economic changes were bringing budget cuts to all aspects of health care in North America.

This was also the dawn of the age of Big Pharma. Multi-national pharmaceutical corporations sprung up in the 1950s and 60s, introducing new anti-psychotic drugs that made it possible to control, if not actually help, the mentally ill. Consumers put their faith in the idea of the “magic bullet” and since then, psychiatry has been largely controlled by the pharmaceutical industry.

For their efforts, Hoffer, Osmond, Pauling & hundreds of like-minded doctors were condemned by their peers.

The tide is turning: a growing wave of consumer demand is driving an orthomolecular resurgence. Doctors and patients are being slowly won over by a simple idea that makes more sense every day:

WE ARE WHAT WE EAT.

Probiotics

Why are probiotics beneficial?

Probiotics, translated “for life”, refer to bacteria in the intestine considered beneficial to health. Two of the most important healthful bacteria are Lactobacillus acidophilus (specific to the small intestine) and Bifidobacterium bifidum (specific to the large intestine), but there are many other organisms to keep in mind. It is important to note that you have more bacteria in and on you than you have cells in your body and that the bacteria in your digestive tract weigh approximately 3lbs. Probiotics are often referred to as the “first line of defense” when it comes to your immune system – when you go into battle it is important to have a cross section of many bacteria versus an army made up of two types of soldiers. While there are a number of excellent companies providing high quality probiotic products, it is difficult to sort through all the manufacturer’s claims of superiority, and some products have been shown to contain no active L. acidophilus. As such, see a Naturopathic Doctor who can recommend a quality product to you.

Clinical Applications:

The intestinal flora plays a major role in the health of the host (you!). The intestinal flora is intimately involved in the host’s nutritional status and affects immune system function, cholesterol metabolism, carcinogenesis, toxin load and aging. Due to the importance of L. acidophilus and B. bifidum to human health, probiotic supplements can be used to promote overall good health.

Acidophilus bacteria perform many essential functions. They produce the enzyme lactase, required for the digestion of lactose (milk sugar) and aid in the digestion of other nutrients as well. Some strains fight undesirable microorganisms that invade their territory, aid in the destruction of dangerous disease causing bacteria by producing natural antibiotics and help reduce the levels of low density lipoproteins, the so-called “bad cholesterol”. When acidophilus colonies are present in sufficient strength, they inhibit the proliferation of Candida albicans, a fungal organism (yeast) that can cause a host of problems.
Bifidobacterium produce lactic and other acids that increase the acidity of the region they inhabit and make the area less hospitable to dangerous bacteria. They prevent harmful bacteria from converting compounds known as nitrates (ingested in food or water) into related compounds called nitrites. Nitrites in turn can be converted into nitrosamines, which are known cancer-causing agents. When present in sufficient numbers, bifidobacterium prevent disease-causing bacteria and fungi from forming colonies in their territory. Bifidobacterium also aid in the production of B vitamins and assist in the dietary management of certain liver conditions.

The body can lose its store of friendly bacteria in many ways. For example, if you must take antibiotics, these drugs not only destroy harmful bacteria, but kill off the essential bacteria as well. Birth control pills, certain over the counter drugs, the chlorine and fluorine in tap water, environmental pollutants, mental and physical stress, chemotherapy and radiation therapy, tobacco and alcohol also reduce the normal levels of beneficial bacteria. Even just getting older causes a loss of the friendly bacteria you need to stay healthy.

Because friendly bacteria have the astonishing ability to rid the body of disease causing bacteria before then can create a problem, probiotic supplements have become a virtual necessity today.

Sources:

Textbook of Natural Medicine page 893-7; Smart Medicine for Healthier Living pg 60

Surviving the Holidays

Ways to avoid the holiday bulge by Dr. Christina Bjorndal, ND

It is that time of year again – where we throw caution to the wind with our eating and tend to overindulge in sugar-laden food and maybe a little too much wine. Do you notice that you are more susceptible to catching a cold or flu during the holidays, you have lost your “get up and go” or your overall health isn’t as vibrant as it was a few short months ago? Many people take for-granted the effect that nutrition has on our health. Is it any wonder that people have increased or aggravated health concerns from October to April? Look at what we, as a society do to ourselves:

– October: Thanksgiving and Hallowe’en – we overindulge in sugary, chemical laden & food colouring rich foods that are devoid of vital life energy

– November: Start celebrating Christmas early with parties (i.e. increased alcohol and sugar consumption)
– December: Christmas or Hanukkah – more alcohol and sugary, chemical laden & food colouring rich foods that are devoid of vital life energy
– January: Recovering and busy eating up all those left-overs from December. Some start with a “New Year’s resolution” to eat better
– February: Valentine’s day – more chocolates….or so the media tells us that we need to celebrate this way
– March/April: Spring break or Easter – another “chocolate” holiday.

Egad! No wonder it is challenging for many to stick to a healthy eating plan.

Let us get back to basics or nature and remember the true meaning of all these holidays before they became “commercialized” by our North American culture of consumption. The first step to surviving the holidays is to always remember that nutrition is the foundation of health! You are what you eat, what you absorb and what you don’t excrete. Profitability drives our society and it, not your health, is the key motivating force behind the food industry. Many of the high-sugar, high-salt, and high-fat foods are intensely marketed and often, the advertising influence of companies impacts our food choices and health more than information from health professionals. As food technology has continued to advance, shelf life has replaced health life. Technological developments have provided benefits, but most often I find the mass processing of food is not in the best interest of nutrition.

The key to managing your weight during the holiday season is to address five key areas:

–         what you are eating
–         how you are eating
–         what is eating you mentally, emotionally and spiritually
–         your stress levels
–         your physiology
–         exercise

In terms of what you are eating it is important to recognize that many diets consist of too much red meat, saturated fat, sodium and alcohol; such a diet provides less nutrition per calorie consumed than does a wholesome diet of natural foods. The decreased consumption of vegetables and complex carbohydrates means a lower intake of vitamins, minerals and fiber. Research has linked many well known diseases (i.e. obesity, cardiovascular disease, kidney disease, diabetes, autoimmune diseases, cancer, behavioural problems) with poor diet. Perhaps you don’t consider yourself as being at risk for developing a serious disease, yet you experience the following symptoms:

– fatigue
– headaches
– mood swings
– indigestion
– constipation
– skin problems
– menstrual discomfort
– weight problems.

These symptoms not only interfere with your ability to fully enjoy life, they are early warning signs for future problems. Eating a healthy diet can improve these complaints, as well as, protect you against serious disease.

How you eat your food is as important as what you are eating – are you someone who finishes their dinner in two bites. Or when you do take a bite is it “chomp, chomp, swallow”? If so, this is one area you can easily improve. It is very important to chew your food thoroughly. I find that in our “fast food nation” many people forget that the digestive process actually starts in the kitchen with the sense of smell when we are cooking our food. This sense of smell triggers our brain and sends the message to our stomach that food is coming. The stomach, in turn, prepares for the arrival of food. When we take the time to chew our food thoroughly, put our fork down between bites and not rush, we are able to adequately process our food so that it can be broken down into micronutrients or “fuel” that our body needs to survive.

Now, given the basic mathematics that 3500 calories = 1 pound – it stands to reason that either increasing your output (ie exercise) or decreasing your intake by 500 calories/day will result in weight loss of 1lb per week. This doesn’t always happen because one might have an underlying physiological condition (thyroid or adrenal) or they may not be addressing the real reason why they are eating in the first place. As a Naturopathic Doctor, I feel that an individuals relationship with food is an important factor in managing one’s weight and overall sense of well-being. To me, it boils down to:

1)      your self esteem or sense of self love
2)      your ability to cope and handle stress
3)      your negative self talk/thought processes and not being in the moment
4)      your ability to listen to the messages from your body.

For example, the full signal relayed from the nerves in your stomach to your brain typically takes 20 minutes. It is also interesting to note that we have approximately as many nerve endings in our entire digestive tract as we do in our spinal column. This is why it is important to learn to trust our “gut reactions” or intuition. Also, an important neurotransmitter responsible for regulating mood, Serotonin, affects our weight given the amount of nerve endings we have in our digestive system. This is an important point to keep in mind as many anti-depressants, known as Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs), have the unpleasant side effect of weight gain.

I have to warn you when you start to eat better you will experience the following effects: more energy, decreased cravings, better digestion, improved concentration, increased ability to handle stress, glowing hair, skin and nails and painless menstrual periods. Prevention is the best medicine and as Hippocrates, the father of medicine, said: “Let food be your medicine and medicine be your food”. If you are looking for a specific meal plan to follow, please check out “The Essential Diet; Eating for Mental Health” – this is your guide to healthy and simple recipes that will change how you feel physically, mentally and emotionally. The recipes are meant to support mental health by ensuring the correct amount of essential nutrients required for mental well-being are being met. When one addresses mental health with the proper nutritional foundation, the likelihood of feeling depressed or anxious decreases. Learn to love healthy eating, find the joy in cooking and feel better in your life!

Allergies and Eczema Explained Naturally

In my practice, I specialize in pediatrics and I see children with many common conditions, such as eczema, asthma and allergies, as well as more challenging neurological conditions, such as autism and ADHD. I wanted to share a common occurrence I see in practice and that is the treatment of eczema. A few months ago, a concerned mom brought her 1 year old son in as he had been diagnosed with full body eczema. A medical doctor had prescribed cortisone cream and said “he will grow out of it”. The condition had started at birth and since he was so uncomfortable his mother found that he was extremely fussy and cranky. He was also very itchy and would scratch himself raw given the opportunity. After feeling discouraged with the medical care they received, the parents thought they would explore other avenues of treatment, such as naturopathic medicine.

During the patient intake session, I discovered that he was a c-section birth. He had also been quite colicky as a baby and sometimes could not keep food down. Whenever a child presents with the symptom of colic, a few things come to mind: 1) food intolerances 2) a bacterial or “gut flora” imbalance and 3) spinal disturbances. The other symptoms that occur with food intolerances and an imbalance in gut flora are: eczema, asthma, digestive upset, mood disorders, constipation, difficulty sleeping, and bed wetting. Similar symptoms can also appear in patients who are “toxic” or in those whose organs of detoxification are not working as well as they should. In this case the boy’s trunk looked like red welted hives and I asked if any blood work had been done to rule out a true allergy. It turned out this was never offered, so she decided to do an IgE allergy blood test through our office, as well as stool testing to determine the balance of good and bad bacteria in the digestive tract.

When looking at immune reactions to allergies, there are 5 types that the body can have: IgA, IgG, IgM, IgD, and IgE. Most people are familiar with the IgE antibody response (fast immune mediated) which is when you eat a peanut and your throat immediately closes, or you get hives or an anaphylactic reaction. But there is also an IgG antibody response which is considered a “slow immune” reaction, such as a food intolerance. Most commonly, I test children for food intolerances when they are over 1.5 years of age as this is when their immune systems are more developed and they have built up enough antibodies to give a good response. If I test a child and they are positive, it means they have what is known as “leaky gut syndrome” and I start them on a treatment plan. This includes a dietary plan that eliminates the foods they are reacting to based on their individual test results – most commonly wheat and dairy as these are the most common foods that cause problems.

Another important point in this case is that he was a c-section baby. It is important to note that when a baby is born, it gets its first dose of bacteria when it travels down the vaginal canal. These good bacteria or probiotics colonize the infant’s digestive tract (assuming the mother has a healthy vaginal canal) and serve as part of our lifelong immune system. C-section children do not get this opportunity and therefore usually have a lot more health problems versus their vaginal birth counterparts. 1

In this case, I prescribed the following dietary changes while waiting for the test results: eliminate dairy and wheat from the mom’s diet (as she was still breast feeding) and the solid portion of the child’s diet. As detoxification is also an important part of the process, I also prescribed very gentle liver support that involves a three step process:
Step 1: homeopathic remedies to start the “drainage” or removal of toxins
Step 2: glutathione to help the liver get rid of these toxins and
Step 3: a herbal combination to promote better liver function.
Most parents say to me “My child is only x months old, how can their liver be toxic?”. What people don’t realize is that in today’s society children are being born toxic. They acquire toxins in utero and/or while being breast-fed.2 We have five detoxification organs – our liver, kidneys, colon, lungs and skin. If the liver cannot keep up with the removal of toxins, the detoxification process spills onto the other organs and when the entire system is overburdened, symptoms appear such as eczema, asthma or bowel issues.

When I saw the patient a week later to go over the test results, she was impressed how fast his skin had cleared up, he was not as fussy or cranky and seemed to be a more pleasant child. His blood work confirmed the following IgE allergies: peanut, milk, wheat, egg white and soybeans. Based on the stool test results, he also had candida which is a chronic fungal problem. Over time with the correct nutritional support to heal leaky gut syndrome he may be able to eat some of these foods periodically and not get such a severe skin reaction. For more information on Leaky Gut Syndrome – see Dr. Christina Bjorndal, ND’s article: I have a leaky what? Leaky Gut syndrome explained.

After one month of treatment, he was doing really well and we started the second phase of treatment to deal with the overgrowth of candida. This meant that further dietary changes were necessary, primarily eliminating all forms of sugar from his diet, including fruits.

This is an example of a case that cleared up quickly, and illustrates the primary philosophy of Naturopathic Medicine which is to address and treat the root cause of disease and to not give things to simply cover up symptoms or palliate. By taking the time to remove the foods that were causing an immune reaction, rebalance the bacterial imbalance in the digestive tract and support the body in detoxification the patient is actually cured of eczema. It is important to remember that symptoms like colic, eczema, and constipation are signals from the body that it is out of balance or over-burdened. When you listen to your body and support it, the healing process has a chance to take place naturally.

1. Low diversity of the gut microbiota in infants with atopic eczema: The Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology Volume 129, Issue 2 , Pages 434-440.e2, February 2012
2. Environmental Toxins – Do you know your levels? By Dr. Christina Bjorndal, ND

The Five Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Be Impeccable with Your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.
Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don’t take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret.

Be Skeptical

Don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind words, and you will understand the real message

PROLOTHERAPY: ATHLETE SUCCESS STORY

At a spring competition, an 11 year old gymnast injured her right knee. As it was the end of the season, she was able to take the summer off and had minimal complaints all summer. Upon returning to her competitive training in September, she started to complain of pain in the same knee and she rated the pain at an 8 on a scale of 1-10. At this point, she was started natural anti-inflammatory and homeopathic remedies which included Ruta & Rhus tox homeopathics, Calc fluor tissue salt, SinewGen, Omega 3’s, hydrotherapy, castor oil packs and Traumeel cream. After an x-ray and an MRI, her pediatrician told her parents that she had a transverse fracture on the inferior patella and a torn patellar tendon. Further interpretation of the MRI estimated that 50% of her patellar tendon was torn. She was referred to a pediatric orthopedic surgeon in Edmonton who recommended rest, physiotherapy and anti-inflammatory medication for 3 months. Upon returning home to Fort McMurray and starting physiotherapy, she experienced increased swelling and pain in the knee. In addition, she felt more strain on her MCL, so her parents investigated prolotherapy as an option and scheduled a consultation to discuss their options. They also went to another Orthopedic surgeon for a third opinion.

I can relate to this patient’s case on a personal level as in 2002, I fractured my patella playing hockey. At that time, prolotherapy was not an option, and after trying many different alternative therapies, the most relief and healing I experienced was when I maintained my leg in full extension using a knee brace for two months. I also applied Symphytum salves on a daily basis to help the bone heal. As such, I advised the following:

– continue the natural anti-inflammatory protocol

– Lock the knee in full extension with a Velcro cast and not bend the leg for at least 2 weeks.

– Prolotherapy treatment

It is interesting to note that the suggestion to lock her knee was also recommended by the second orthopedic specialist. The goal of locking the leg for a short period of time (i.e. 2 weeks versus 2 months) was to prevent muscle wasting. While I locked my leg for two months, the patient was young enough that two weeks seemed sufficient. This specialist also diagnosed her with Sinding-Larsen-Johansson Syndrome. However, the pediatrician, orthopedic specialist and physiotherapist, did not agree with the recommendation of prolotherapy. Her parents contacted me and we further discussed the pros and cons of not doing the treatment and her parents felt comfortable with proceeding.

Prolotherapy is also known as “nonsurgical ligament reconstruction” and is a treatment for acute or chronic musculoskeletal pain. The word “Prolo” is short for proliferation as the treatment enhances the growth and formation of new ligaments, tendons and cartilage in areas where there is weakness or excess scar tissue. Any joint in the body can be treated successfully with Prolotherapy regardless of when the injury happened.

Prolozone combines the technique of prolotherapy using a proprietary mixture of ozone (O3) and oxygen (O2) at different strengths to stimulate blood flow to heal damaged areas. This therapy is used to treat neck pain, back pain, arthritic hips and knees, shoulder and elbow pain, degenerated disks, rotator cuff injuries and many more musculoskeletal problems. In fact, according to the official prolozone website, prolozone has a 75% success rate at completely relieving pain! ¹

The first injection was administered to the superior and inferior poles of the right patella, including the quadriceps and patellar tendons in October. Following the treatment, the area was tender and sore which is an expected outcome. It was advised to use ice and Tylenol to control the pain. The following week, the patient’s mother reported that she was doing really well and reported her knee pain had decreased to a 1-2 out of 10 from a previously reported 8/10. The reason for the pain was now muscular due to her legs being sore from the restricted mobility the brace has provided. She was weight bearing really well and walking without the brace periodically, although she still had not bent her knee.

The second prolozone treatment was performed 3 weeks later in the same locations. Four days later, I received a message from her mother that read: “for the first time since the summer, her knee pain is finally at a 0!!!” Approximately two weeks later the physiotherapist who had performed the first knee assessment on the patient was revisited. He remarked that if he had not known the case and had not done the initial assessment himself, he would not have believed the fact that she now had a perfectly healthy knee. He could not find anything wrong on the follow up assessment, which was less than 2 months after the original prolozone treatment. The patient has returned to her gymnastics with no further complaints of knee pain.

Letting Go

Have you ever had an “upset” with someone? Perhaps there is someone in your life that is not talking to you or you aren’t talking to? Many patients mention these situations to me, stating that their families are “dysfunctional”. What most of my patients don’t know is that I have had the same experience with my family and friends. I have been struggling with this for a number of years – what to do, how to fix it, how to let go, etc. And I have spent countless dollars and hours in counseling, as well as filled up many journals to resolve these conflicts. I had an opportunity to go see Oprah at the beginning of 2013 and she said “First the lessons come to you in the form of a tiny pebble, then a larger rock hits you on the head, then a boulder and finally, the entire brick house might come crashing down on you for you to get the lesson”. I have come to understand that the lessons for me are:

1) The importance of letting go

2) Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business

3) Transformation happens when we learn to love and accept ourselves

4) To believe that I am good enough and worthy of love, just as I am

In 2013, I had two larger boulders hit me in the side of the head. The first was with an acquaintance on a trip we took together. A few weeks before we were supposed to leave, I recognized the large rock that I tried to ignore which was when I found myself saying: “It would be better if I shortened my trip or cancelled it all together”. Did I listen to this message or trust my inner voice? Of course not, I rationalized it away with my ego by saying “C’mon, you’ve already paid for your accommodation, how will you get your money back? How will you explain that you don’t want to go anymore? Your flights are booked, etc”. Without going into all the details, suffice it to say that I did not enjoy myself at all on this trip, had a less than enjoyable time and ended up wishing that I didn’t go. It also ended in a parting of ways with the acquaintance I went with as I wasn’t able to speak my truth about how I was feeling about the trip, the situation I was in, my stress levels, etc. On the one hand, I am okay with this, but on the other hand, I have a hard time when I think people don’t like me. I seem to give my own opinion of people less weight than the other person’s. I seem to disregard that I think the relationship is no longer a fit for me (i.e. an energy taker) when I perceive that the other person doesn’t like me. It is not okay for someone not to like me in my highly sensitive mind. I can tell you that this belief has caused me much angst, heart ache, energy and upset over the years as I would go to the ends of the Earth, sacrifice or stuff my own thoughts and feelings about a relationship in order to save it. I have had many sleepless nights pondering the question “Why does person X not like me? Why hasn’t Person X returned my call or email?” Through working with my Naturopathic Doctor, I have learned that loving and accepting myself has been the respite from my mind that my soul needed. This started by practicing the 4 Agreements & the 5 R’s of Problematic Thought Patterns, by recognizing when my boundary has been crossed & learning to recognize: “Whose shit is this and whose diaper is it in?”, by doing “The Work” by Byron Katie, by practicing Forgiveness, and by repeatedly going back to the breath whenever I find myself “stuck in my head” with thoughts. Finally, prayer has also been a saving grace.

This summer, I had another boulder hit me from out of the blue and land right on my chest crushing my heart – this one was much more difficult than the experience mentioned above as it was with a family member. Many hurtful things were said to me – and it was a reminder to me to be careful of the words you use for they can cut like a sword. In fact, what word do you see when you write “words” with no spaces between them, such as:

wordswordswordswordswordswords

It spells swords! Believe me, what was said cut like a knife right into the deepest part of my soul. To give you an idea, one comment that was made was about me having a mental illness and how this person was “sick and tired of catering to you and your mental illness”. This just highlighted to me that there are still many people out there that are not accepting of mental illness and very judgmental. I often wonder if I had Parkinson’s, MS or cancer, I think people would be more understanding, supportive and accepting of me. But because my challenges lie in the mental realm with anxiety, social phobia, depression, an eating disorder, etc, people just don’t get it. It has become my life’s passion and purpose to break these barriers down and crusade for compassion, insight and understanding for those diagnosed with mental illness. I have been equally devoted to my own healing as I grow into my soul recovery and accept responsibility for what I bring to situations. I am also extremely grateful for the family that have stuck by me – whether they understand me or not – like my husband, father, mom, step-dad and many dear friends. I know they love me and while I used to want them to “get it”, I have come to accept that they don’t need to – they just need to stand by in love and by doing so, they have showed me how to love myself. Isn’t that what it is all about? In my situation, it is a matter of life and death at times as I have been affected by depression and plagued by suicidal thoughts. The difference in past years for me in not acting on those thoughts has been the flicker of light shining through the cracks of my broken heart – this light reminds me I have worth despite all the judgment from those that have cast me aside for whatever reason. I am still learning to accept the lessons of letting go of what has happened in the past & of letting go of other people’s opinion of me. I can tell you that it has freed up time for me, as I no longer spend countless hours writing in my journal or analyzing what has happened in my mind over and over again. I just breathe in, bring myself back to this moment, this gift in time & exhale all the self-critical thoughts that I have of others and myself. Slowly, one breath at a time healing is taking place for me….and my wish is it takes place for you too this Holiday season. My gift to you is this lesson in letting go from Robert Holden’s book “Be Happy”:

“Letting go: Suffering is a decision not to let go of the past yet. Happiness is a decision to step into the present now. And being present is what helps you to let go of what is not happening now. You may have had an unhappy childhood, but that is not happening now. You may have experienced a romantic heartbreak, but that is not happening now. You may have had a bitter disappointment in your career, but that is not happening now.

Letting yourself be happy is not a denial that suffering ever happened, and it is certainly not an attempt to dishonor any old pain. Letting yourself be happy is, however, a signal of intent to be free of more suffering. By choosing happiness, you invite healing. By saying “Yes” to happiness, you invite grace. By being open to happiness, you discover you have a deeper compassion for yourself than even you realized. Letting yourself be happy can be translated as I have suffered, and I want to be free; I feel pain, and I choose joy; I feel fear, and I ask for help; I feel angry, and I am open to forgiveness; I feel sad, and I call upon compassion; I feel lost, and I welcome grace.

Until you let yourself be happy, you make an idol of your suffering, which prevents you from seeing the true depth and beauty of your original nature. One of the mantras of my work is “Pain runs deep but joy runs deeper.” As you let yourself be happy, you realize that pain and suffering belong to the ego, but true healing and joy belong to your original nature. In other words, you realize that although you have experienced pain, you are not your pain, and that although you may continue to experience suffering, you are not your suffering. Happiness is giving up all resistance to letting go.“

On a positive note, 2 hours after the above-mentioned incident, I was reunited with my favorite Aunt from childhood. Due to family & life circumstances, I had not seen her for 11 years. The tears of joy and the loving embrace when I saw her washed away all the pain I had experienced in the hours before. Everyone has a heart and Rumi said “Do not look outside yourself and seek love, look within to see all the walls you have built between it and your heart.” Ask yourself where you have put a wall in your heart in order to protect it from being hurt. To break down these walls, breathe in love and with the exhalation let the love flow or radiate outward unconditionally to your friends, family, co-workers and those you may have a grievance with. I decided to share my experiences this year with you as I know that having an “upset” with someone is a common theme in many peoples lives and my intention is for this to be helpful to you so you too can get to the place of acceptance, understanding, forgiveness and finally, letting go or letting God. 🙂

Environmental Detoxification

With the changing of a season upon us, many talk about doing a spring cleanse. It can be confusing as there is much misinformation about what this entails, the benefits, risks, length of time etc. Ideally, the body should be able to detoxify itself but we are bombarded with toxins from the environment: pesticides and chemicals in and on our foods, chlorine and other chemicals in our water, chemicals in cleaning products, perfume, lotions and make-up, as well as pollutants in the air we breathe. Our bodies weren’t designed to cope with the level of toxins we are exposed to.

Toxicity is a becoming a health crisis. We ingest new chemicals, use more medication, eat more sugar and refined foods and abuse ourselves daily with various stimulants or sedatives. The incidence of many toxicity induced diseases has increased as well. Many people suffer from ongoing fatigue, bloating, headaches, pain, skin irritations and constant colds and coughs. Most conventional doctors would look only for disease, and if the patient’s tests come back negative, the doctor says nothing is wrong. We investigate this further by recommended Environmental testing to patients.

Often, people with symptoms are out of balance because of poor diet and low nutrition. Their bodies are overloaded with toxins from their diet and the environment, as well as too much sugar which leads to an overgrowth of bad bacteria and candida in the digestive system.

To assist in the detoxification process, I prescribed a very gentle liver support that involves three steps:
Step 1: homeopathic remedies to start the “drainage” or removal of toxins
Step 2: glutathione to help the liver get rid of these toxins and
Step 3: a herbal combination to promote better liver function.
If the liver cannot keep up with the removal of toxins, the detoxification process spills onto the other organs and when the entire system is overburdened, symptoms appear.

A good detox is not just about cleansing the liver. It is about correcting the diet, addressing environmental toxins in your environment, removing bad bacteria, re-populating the gut with healthy organisms, re-balancing pH levels, ensuring the kidneys are working effectively and supporting the drainage and detoxification processes of the liver. This is known as an integrated detoxification. To get the best results, it is important that a cleanse be supervised by your Naturopathic Doctor so that we can address any concerns that may arise, as well as ensure that you are completing the steps of detoxification in the right order. Often, this approach results in significant improvement in one’s overall wellbeing. People who suffer from the previously mentioned symptoms, as well as conditions such as low thyroid function, eczema and hormone imbalances often find their symptoms completely resolve. Professional guidance is the key. Detoxes in the kit form are potentially dangerous. Many focus on only one aspect of liver function and should not be used if you are on medication. Detoxes don’t need to be unpleasant and if properly supervised you will have minimal discomfort, if any.

Remember a key step that most miss in detoxification is to eliminate your exposure to environmental toxins in the FIRST place. A book we recommend is “Get rid of the Toxins that make you Fat – Clean, Green and Lean” by. Dr. Walter Crinnion, ND. We also recommend you schedule an “Environmental check up” appointment with Dr. Michael Mason-Wood, ND who is one of the only practitioners in Edmonton who has completed Dr. Crinnion, ND’s Environmental Medicine specialty training program. In the meantime, take our “Environmental Quiz” and we also recommend reading our article: Environmental Toxins Do you know your Body’s Levels

Friends are good for the Soul

This is a story of friendship. Everyone knows someone who has been diagnosed with cancer, is currently undergoing treatment for cancer, has beat cancer or who has died from it. Along with cancer, everyone knows someone who has been labeled with a mental illness, is currently undergoing treatment for a mental illness, has beat a mental illness or who has died from it. I have experienced both – a mental illness diagnosis (1987) and cancer (1998 – malignant melanoma (stage 2)). Today, I wanted to write about two dear friends that have been instrumental in the recovery of my mental well-being and health – Jessica and Lisa.

Jessica and Lisa have been friends since Grade 3. I met both of them in 1986 at UBC – Jessica and I were in the same undergraduate program and Lisa and I were teammates on the UBC Track Team. Unbeknownst to me, they were good friends. It was such a special day when we all realized that we were connected. I have held both of these friendships close to my heart for the past 28 years and I’d like to share with you why. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of dear friends – some say, “friends are the family you choose”.

In 1987, while I was studying at UBC, it was a trying time for me as I was lost in many ways:
– I was secretive about my bulimia tendencies
– I hadn’t dealt with my parents divorce while I was in high school
– I was trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life, who I was, what was the point of being on the planet, of being HERE, and
– I was the classic overachiever – Honour roll student (even had the highest mark in my first year UBC Calculus class), Scholarship student (both athletic and academic), Varsity Track and Cross Country Team member, and it wasn’t enough to be just an athlete, I was also the Team Manager on top of working part-time while at school.
Phew, it exhausts me to think about those days!

When I started university, I set out to become a lawyer. This was because in Grade 10 I was interested in becoming a police officer, but it was extremely important to my parents that I go to university. We discussed why I was interested in this career and it was decided that I would go to UBC and become a lawyer. I remember asking my Dad what I should take for my undergraduate degree and he suggested Commerce. At that time, you had to do 1 year of specific undergraduate courses before you could enter the Faculty of Commerce – and it was very competitive to get into the program. They also offered a Commerce-Law option and I set my sights on this in the fall of 1985. It was a steep learning curve to jump from the secure fish bowl environment of high school into the shark pit of university. When I began my 2nd year of Commerce I was feeling overwhelmed, indecisive and unsure about Law school, but I didn’t know what else to do or what other major to choose.

I remember standing outside the Commerce building in the pouring rain without an umbrella, for what seemed like several hours because I didn’t know what step to take. My Commerce friends noticed that something was “off” with me. Some expressed their concern by sending cards and letters (this was pre-cell phone & texting days!) and others just continued on without blinking an eye. I don’t blame them, as this was what business school taught us: that money is the epitome of success and how to run a business and grow an empire – not care about humanity. But two people that made a permanent imprint on my heart that I will never forget were Jessica and Lisa – each in their own individual way. At this time, Lisa wrote me a letter –

“Dear Christabelle: Please don’t be sad. You are the most wonderful person: you’ve got so much going for you – you’re incredibly intelligent, athletic, attractive, sensitive and you have a great sense of humour which I miss. What more could you want? From what I see, you’ve got yourself in a dilemma where you think that every decision you make is going to influence the rest of your life, therefore, it is vital that you make the right one. But, it really doesn’t matter if you realize that this is only one small stage in your life. Enjoy it! Live each day one at a time – spontaneity is fun! Make the most of what you’ve got today – the future will always work out – especially for someone with the qualities you have. There is a huge world out there – try to imagine you are looking down on it from space – and you will see that you are a small part of the interconnected whole. Think of yourself as part of this great world and let your problems go. Someday you will look back on this time in your life, no matter how much pain you are in now, and laugh. Watching you reminds me of a poem called “Comes the Dawn” –

Comes the Dawn
After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today, because
Tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures
Have a way of falling down in midflight
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that love really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and learn…
With every goodbye you learn

Love Lisa”

After sending me the letter, she made an appointment at UBC Student Health Services to talk to an advisor because she was so concerned about me. She wanted to know what more she could do to help, as she knew my state was serious. I had stopped going to our track practices and was barely functioning. She was advised to make an appointment for me. I remember Lisa calling my Mom (who was obviously wrought with concern over the changes in me) and asking her if she thought she could get me to the appointment. I had sunk very deep and my mom had to get me out of bed, dress me, and brush my teeth and hair etc if I was to get anywhere. Lisa was also terrified that I would either be upset with her or wouldn’t go. I went. And it was the slow start to the unraveling of my mental anguish and the beginning of my road to recovery. It was at this time, that I was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety and bulimia¹ and prescribed Imipramine – a tricyclic anti-depressant. Looking back, I might refer to what happened as an “existential” crisis or “adrenal fatigue”– but I had never heard of either of those words in 1987, let alone depression and anxiety! Until this point in my life, I had only learned of depression in the economic sense of the word, not the medical sense.

Lisa & I UBC

Jessica made an impact on me because during those stressful, paralyzing, depressing dark days when I was contemplating suicide – she would ask me if I wanted to go for a walk. She introduced me to places on campus that I had not taken the time to explore because I was so focused on achieving – places of beauty and art – like the UBC Japanese Gardens. These gardens are an amazing oasis amongst the hustle and bustle & trials and tribulations of student life. At that time, in the depth of my despair, I didn’t fully appreciate the beauty of the gardens. What I did appreciate though was the friendship, the connection, and the fact that someone cared enough and took time out of their hectic schedule to be with me even though I couldn’t form a sentence to talk or even muster up the strength to walk there on my own. Jessica became my strength by taking my hand and leading me to peace. She allowed me to just be. I didn’t need to talk, sound smart or impress her. She accepted me. Perhaps she recognized what I was going through and could see that I was depressed when I didn’t know what was going on with me. She just sat with me in silence and showed me she cared by taking the time to be still with me. If it wasn’t for friends like Jessica & Lisa (and there are many others who know who they are) who knows if I would still be here. I even remember Jessica’s mom buying me a copy of “The Joy Luck Club” by Amy Tan. I was so touched that her mom would do that for me and I still have that book on my bookshelf.

Fast forward to the summer of 2013 when I was talking to Jessica and she let me know that the she had “terminal cancer”. Jessica has been living with cancer since 2007² and the previous years have been very trying for her. Since she lives in the UK, I don’t get to see her very often – the last time was in 2010 when we were both in Vancouver at the same time.

Throughout her cancer journey I have sent her books, love, emails, cards and we’ve had phone and Skype calls. She is constantly in my prayers. I recently sent her a book called “Dying To Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing by Anita Moorjani” – in an attempt to disprove the 1 year prognosis she has been given. I firmly believe in the power of psychoneuroimmunology – which is the relationship between our thoughts & emotions and our immune system.
Since her cancer had metastasized to her brain, she is no longer able to fly and I felt that it was important to go and visit her for moral support. The soonest I could arrange to be there was the end of November and I was grateful to be joined by Lisa, as well as two other dear university friends, Deanna and Kerry. You will see the love in the video that Jessica made of our trip.

No one knows how long they have on the planet – life is fragile, precious, a gift and can be gone with a blink of an eye. Pema Chodron wrote: “A cancer diagnosis. Loss of livelihood, wealth, power. The unexpected end of a relationship. A broken promise, a shattered dream. Sometimes impermanence smacks us in the face without much warning. It was always there, of course, lurking in the background, we’ve just been distracted, or fallen into illusions of permanence, or turned our backs in horror. Impermanence comes, sometimes out of the blue, to remind us of what is essential and true, to shatter our spiritual laziness and remind us of the true path.

A keen awareness of the impermanence of things can protect us from the pain of self-righteousness, arrogance, ignorance, greed – and ultimately, fear itself.
Friend, find that which is permanent in the midst of the ever changing. Find your own presence in the constantly shifting appearances of life. Find your true home in the midst of uncertainty. Be what you are, the unchanging principle – That which has never changed as everything else has changed. Know your own beingness, your original sense of belonging, soft and intimate and warm, always here, never missing. You just got distracted, that’s all, became lost in the shiny things, in those intoxicating dreams of past and future, mesmerized by appearances on your way towards future glories promised by undoubtedly well-meaning friends.

And then, a cancer diagnosis. Loss of livelihood, wealth, power. The unexpected end of a relationship. A broken promise, a shattered dream. These are not mistakes or punishments but sudden reminders of the sheer Power of the Uncontrollable, the immense Intelligence moving all things, an Intelligence beyond comprehension.
Another call to humility and softness. And kindness. And an invitation to remember: in the midst of cancer, loss, devastation, failure, what cannot be lost? What cannot fail? Love is still here. The ability to connect deeply. To listen. To see. To feel. To laugh at seriousness. To be serious about laughter. To remember our own Presence, the Presence of life, here and now. And the gift of the small things. A sip of water. The sound of the rain. The breath moving through the nostrils. A visit from a loved one. An unspoken kindness. The beauty of questions unanswered.
The essential things cannot be taken away. Everything non-essential will crumble in time. Perspective is everything. The moment is a beginning.
This is not a path you will find in books. This is a path of courage and birdsong, of waking in the morning with a tender heart and knowing that everything is somehow profoundly okay in a way you cannot hope to understand.”

I know it is not easy to understand cancer or mental illness, and you can get trapped in asking “why? Why? WHY? Why ME?” But all we have is this moment. This Breath. Now. I am so grateful for those few days with my friends in November. I will cherish those memories and our Friendship forever. I wanted to write this for Jessica as a tribute to her while she continues to be with us. Lastly, this poem is how I feel about my close friends, like Lisa and Jessica. I hope you take the time today to call, think of or write someone you call a friend all in the name of Love.

What is a Friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty. He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you – he is like fire that purges to the bone. He understands. He understands. You can weep with him, sing with him, laugh with him, pray with him. Through it all – and underneath – he sees, knows and loves you. A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself.
– C. Raymond Beran

Update: I am sad to report that Jessica Ma passed away peacefully on December 7, 2014. May she rest in peace. I miss you Jessica!

“A Return to Love”

Today, June 9 (1994) is the anniversary of a suicide attempt that left me in a coma, on dialysis with kidney failure waiting for a kidney transplant. The months leading up to this attempt were very dark. I had recently been promoted as a Commercial Lender, but unbeknownst to me, the Branch manager “fixed” the commercial portfolios so that the one I managed had all the problem accounts and the one the other portfolio manager had contained all the A+ accounts. I was spending countless hours at work and knew the janitor by his first name as I was often at work until 10pm. A common question asked of someone who is depressed is “Why are you depressed?” With each depressive episode I have had, I reflect on this question and ask, “What happened? Why did I get depressed? What did I do wrong?” – like it was completely in my locus of control to regulate my mood by magically turning a switch on or off. I have come to learn that this is not a question you ask someone who is depressed. Most don’t “choose” to be depressed – or do we? Maybe on a subconscious level we do because deep down, I know that I didn’t love myself or accept myself. Was that the real cause of all my pain?

So what exactly happened all those years ago? As with any episode, it is multi-factorial and each one is unique offering an opportunity to learn and grow if you are lucky enough to have the benefit of hindsight and reflection.

At that time in my life, I had expected the promotion and transfer back to Vancouver to be a positive one as I was now closer to my family and friends. What I didn’t foresee was:
1. How much I would miss the wonderful friends and colleagues I had made while previously working in the small farming community of Chilliwack. In fact, I met one of my “besties” to this day during that time. Because I was working so much, I found it hard to make time for my family and friends in Vancouver as I was drowning in my work. As a result, I became socially isolated.
2. I also didn’t realize the impact the real estate market would have on me. I went from my 2-bedroom 980 sq ft apartment in Chilliwack to a 1-bedroom 675 sq ft apartment, for 2.5x the price and mortgage payment. I never expected the anxiety I felt from being “tied down” to the weight of my mortgage – it physically crushed my chest making it difficult to breathe at times. I bought just before the leaky condo bubble burst in Vancouver and I watched in dismay as my property value plummeted. I now felt chained to a job I was growing to dislike more and more each day – like an animal trapped in a cage with no options of escaping.
3. I was naïve to business politics and I didn’t anticipate the lack of support I would get at the new Branch, as the previous Branch Manager I worked for was an honest man who did not play favorites. I had no idea that my portfolio would be comprised primarily of bad debt accounts.
4. Because the distribution of my portfolio was unequal, I was working 10-14-hour days from January – June. The important things I would do for myself to maintain mental wellness – like exercise and eat properly – were neglected. As such, my exercise regime became compromised and my vegetarian diet consisted of frozen foods and canned soup. Hardly healthy or nutritious.
5. My self-confidence steadily declined as I felt in over my head at work and was too proud to admit it or ask for help. The seeds of self-doubt grew into uncontrollable weeds that I could no longer pluck from my consciousness. My judgment was clouded by negative self-talk that was defeatist and seemed to grow increasingly louder as the months wore on. I got very tired of listening to this constant barrage of verbal abuse that eventually I believed the only way to be free from these thoughts was to commit suicide – then and only then would there be silence.

Due to my previous mental health history, I was seeing my psychiatrist regularly. As in previous depressive episodes, it often took me several months of sliding deeper into the pit of depression before I would muster up the strength to say I needed help. Many times words were not needed as my psychiatrist could determine by my affect that something was not right with me, for example:
– I would not talk during our sessions as I had nothing to say
– The blank look of hopelessness in my eyes spoke volumes
– The visible weight loss I experienced was evidence that I had lost the desire to eat or nurture myself
Other signs of depression were the endless hours I would spend in bed not wanting to face the day, my work responsibilities or my life; the social isolation that I fell into as I no longer found joy in being around my friends or family since was it was an effort to “put on a happy face” and I no longer had the desire to exercise. I felt a lot of shame and guilt around the self-deprecating thoughts I had and would not admit that I was suicidal unless my psychiatrist directly asked the question: “Do you have thoughts of suicide? Do you have a plan?”

I was prescribed a new antidepressant, Zoloft, in February 1994. For my previous depressive episodes in the early 90’s I was prescribed Prozac, however, I was assured that Zoloft was “new and improved”. It later was discovered that there is actually a connection between suicide and Zoloft – and that “suicidal ideation, thoughts, and behavior – collectively termed as suicidality, and suicidal acts have long been linked to antidepressant usage. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), including sertraline (Zoloft), are believed to increase suicidality risks [1]”

Ultimately, I think it was a combination of the various stresses in my life (i.e. moving, new job, intense portfolio, financial stress, lack of socialization, poor diet, no exercise, poor self-esteem, etc) that resulted in the events of June 9, 1994. What I remember the most was the thoughts that plagued me. The self-critical thoughts that repeatedly told me that I was worthless, what was the point, I was no good, no one cares about me, I may as well kill myself, etc. If my voice of reason piped up with a rebuttal such as “that is not true, you have worth”, the voice of doubt quickly set me in my place with comments like “You are such a chicken, you can’t even kill yourself. You aren’t even good at THAT!” The tug of war between these two sides of me was exhausting. I had such a hard time turning off those thoughts and after 6 months of being terrorized by this voice, I decided that the only way to stop them was to end my life. I couldn’t take it any more and I seemed to believe every word of this negative stream of thinking.

So, I wrote a note, drank some poison & grabbed my cat and cuddled him as I fell asleep hoping that I would never wake up again, that my life would be over and I would finally find out the truth about Jesus, God, Heaven, White lights and “the Afterlife”. (Note: If you are depressed and reading this, please do not try this as it does not work! Please pick up the phone and call a Suicide help line or a loved one for support.)

The next morning, I was supposed to be at a breakfast meeting with my boss. When I did not show up, my boss called Mandy, the Customer Service Manager at the Branch to see if I had forgotten about the meeting and had gone to the office. Alarm bells went off when they realized that I wasn’t there. Mandy called my Dad – who was unavailable as he was in a meeting and my Mom – who was out of the country at the time visiting my brother in Japan, but by the Grace of God, my Step-Dad happened to be home as he had a dentist appointment (normally he would not have been there to answer the phone). He knew I had been depressed and so he raced over to my apartment. He made his way into the building and found me barely breathing. He called 911 and I was rushed to Royal Columbian Hospital. Again, I was blessed as the ER doctor had special training and knew to insert the dialysis line in the larger femoral vein versus subclavian vein, as was typically standard practice. I remained in a coma for a few days and when I regained consciousness I was transferred to the ICU until I was well enough to be placed in a private room on the general ward. I had dialysis three times per week, as my kidneys were not functioning. I was told that I would need a kidney transplant if they did not recover. I can tell you that I was certainly not impressed when I realized I was unsuccessful in my suicide attempt and was equally dismayed when I felt like I was going to be “handicapped” for the rest of my life. I even remember when the ER doc came to see how I was doing, I honestly had a hard time looking at her as I wished she hadn’t used “heroic measures” to save me.

While I was recovering, my friend Lisa gave me a book to read by Marianne Williamson called “A Return to Love”. There was a section in the book on surrender: “Surrender means the decision to stop fighting the world, and to start loving it instead. It is a gentle liberation from pain. But liberation isn’t about breaking out of anything; it’s a gentle melting into who we really are. We let down our armour, and discover the strength of our Christ self. We are simply asked to shift focus and to take on a more gentle perception. That’s all God needs. Just one sincere surrendered moment, when love matters more than anything, and we know that nothing else really matters at all. What He gives us in return for our openness to Him, is an outpouring of His power from deep within us. We are given His power to share with the world, to heal all wounds, awaken all hearts.”

I didn’t grow up in a family that expressed love verbally – I don’t think I’ve ever heard my Dad say “I love you”. And I doubted his love – partly because I doubted that I was loveable. I really looked at being adopted as a negative thing. I was Unwanted. Unloved. Discarded. That was the story I told myself over and over again. This has since shifted for me, but during this time in my life I was still stuck in that negativity. When I was recovering from my suicide attempt, my moment of surrender came when I was at my Dad’s. I knelt on the bedroom floor, my head in his lap and I surrendered to God. I remember saying, “I didn’t do this to be a gimp for the rest of my life. Please God. Please. Help me.” I didn’t want to remain on dialysis nor did I want to have a kidney transplant. I prayed for God to heal my kidneys. I sobbed. My Dad sat in silence and stroked my hair. He allowed me to be. He didn’t try to change the moment with words. He didn’t shame me or say “How could you have been so stupid?”. He just allowed the space of silence to be filled with his loving presence. After several minutes of heavy sobbing he said “It will be okay”. And so it was. A few weeks later, my kidneys made a physical recovery and I celebrated that fact that I could urinate again! I never, in my wildest dreams, ever imagined that that would be something that I would celebrate – LOL! My nephrologist said I was a walking miracle. Maybe I am. All I know is that moment on my knees was when I had reached my lowest point. My heart was finally open and I was as vulnerable and raw emotionally as I have ever been.

Even though my kidneys’ had made a physical recovery, I still had a lot of work to do mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I recall reading about a research project with two groups of AIDS patients – one group accepted their condition and had a strong support system. The other didn’t accept their condition, lived in shame because of it, were shunned from their communities and did not have any family support. They studied the outcomes of these 2 groups and not surprisingly, the positive group lived longer lives/had a better prognosis as well as less severity of symptoms and complications from their health condition than the other group. What dawned on me at that point in my recovery was that I had not accepted myself. I was living in shame because I had been diagnosed with a mental illness and I did not want anyone to know about it. I had also been told by my psychiatrist to not disclose my previous mental health history to anyone at work since it is confidential and the business world can be cut throat and ruthless. However, this kept me in the closet and stuck in shame. After reading “A Return to Love”, I began to think about healing. How do I recover? How do I learn to love myself? Is there another way to feel other than depressed and anxious? Slowly, very slowly, a crack of light began to shine through my broken heart. I figured that perhaps God wanted me here and it wasn’t my time. Since reading that book, I have spent the last 20 years learning to accept myself and trying to find natural ways of dealing with mental illness.

The sole reason I became a Naturopathic Doctor was because when I was struggling with my illness there weren’t many natural mental health experts. I had been seeing an ND since 1996; however, his expertise was not in the mental realm. I eventually went to a nutritionally oriented psychiatrist who practiced “orthomolecular” medicine – Dr. Abram Hoffer based in Victoria. Dr. Hoffer had been ostracized from the conventional medical community because he favoured using nutraceuticals (or vitamin supplements) over pharmaceuticals. I saw him in October 1999 when he was in his 80’s. After being on his protocol for several months, my depression and anxiety lifted. I could not believe it! It was at this point that I took stock of my life and while journaling one day, I asked myself one question: “If money didn’t matter – what would I be doing with my life?” The answer that came up for me was to help people recover from the mental illnesses that I have had (i.e. depression, anxiety, social phobia, an eating disorder) using naturopathic and orthomolecular medicine.

I would like to add that another pivotal moment for me in making my career change to become a Naturopathic Doctor was the death of my friends’ cousin to suicide in 1998. There were many family dinners where I sat across the table from his cousin and while I could tell that he was depressed and I knew that he was struggling – I was too stuck in stigma and shame to be able to reach my hand across the table to offer help or support. When I learned of his death – incidentally on the same day that I found out I had malignant melanoma – I felt guilty that I had not said or done something to help him. After all, I had tried to kill myself 4 years earlier and was still struggling with depression myself. Up until that point, when I learned that someone had committed suicide, I often found myself thinking – “Now they are at peace”. Of course I am projecting the pain and anguish I experienced onto them. I don’t recall thinking too much about the family that was left behind – only that the person was now free of the mental prison they must have been in. I also felt sad that they weren’t able to overcome their pain. I imagined that it must have been their time; otherwise God would not have let it happen.

When I attended the funeral, I witnessed first hand the aftermath of suicide. I saw the devastation of the family that is left behind – the distraught parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grand parents, cousins and friends. For the first time in my life, I appreciated another point of view of suicide other than the desire to end one’s own pain. That had always made it excusable and understandable to me – that in the moment someone decides to take their own life, they aren’t thinking about you or anything except ending the mental pain they are experiencing. I know for me, I didn’t love or accept myself and therefore, it didn’t matter what anyone else might go through if I died because I didn’t feel they cared or loved me either – which I know is not true, but that is how you feel when you are depressed. You don’t care – about yourself or anyone else. It was during this funeral that I realized that if I succumb to suicide in this lifetime, perhaps my soul would not evolve and I will just have to face it in my next lifetime (if there is indeed a “next lifetime”). I resigned myself to the belief – whether it is true or not – that if I am to evolve on a “soul level” that I must not succumb to suicide in this lifetime. I can tell you that in subsequent years, on more than one occasion, this single belief has been enough to stop me from further suicide attempts. Instead, I have reached out for help. Attending that funeral also helped to open my eyes to the aftermath that I would leave behind if I was successful in killing myself. I did not want to do that to my parents or those that loved me.

This article is not about justifying suicide, condoning or endorsing it. It is meant to educate about the pain that someone is in when they are suffering and it is my hope that the walls of stigma and shame are broken down. If you know someone that is depressed, maybe a phone call from you will make all the difference in his or her life. Don’t get upset if they don’t call you back – don’t take it personally. Just reach out again anyways. Maybe knock on their door to make sure they are okay. Don’t give up on people who are depressed because they are too negative or it takes too much effort. Try to put yourself in their shoes, be compassionate and understanding, remove the judgment and critical views you may have and open your heart so that their heart may, in turn, be healed.

When I work with patients, I teach them about the 8 pillars to health: 1) stress 2) sleep 3) exercise 4) nutrition & supplementation 5) thoughts & emotions 6) how they behave and react in the world 7) their environment/support group and 8) spirituality. In my work, the foundation is always compassion – for my patient and teaching them to love themselves. At the end of the day, I think it all comes down to love: Do you love yourself enough to make the changes I am going to ask you to make? Do you love yourself enough to take the steps that I am going to ask you to take? And in the case of mental health, do you love yourself enough to not take your own life? It is my hope that you do and that your heart is open enough to learn how to love yourself and you allow me to help you down the road of recovery. I remember when I walked down that road of recovery I had a theme song and it was “I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone” – you can watch it here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FscIgtDJFXg

Lastly, from “A Return to Love”:

“The past is over. It doesn’t matter who we are, where we came from, what Mommy said, what Daddy did, what mistakes we made, what diseases we have, or how depressed we feel. We don’t need another seminar, another degree, another lifetime, or anyone’s approval in order for this to happen. All we have to do is ask for a miracle and allow it to happen, not resist it. There can be a new beginning, a life unlike the past. Our relationships shall be made new. Our careers shall be made new. Our bodies shall be made new. Our planet shall be made new. So shall the will of God be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Not later, now. Not elsewhere, but here. Not through pain, but through peace. So be it. Amen.”

I hope you pass this message on to someone you know that may be experiencing mental anguish and consider sharing this video that I made and I hope you enjoy it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-7sRQRy0xY

Reference:
1. Suicidality and Suicide Attempt in a Young Female on Long-Term Sertraline Treatment http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3662142/

If you or someone you know may be experiencing a mental health crisis or contemplating suicide, call 1-833-456-4566 in Canada or text 988 in USA, In emergencies, call 911, or seek care from a local hospital or mental health provider.